Short answer: no. I remembered in my mind how lousy it is at the beginning, but living it again is not fun. This is my fifth cycle. The other times I started, I was optimistic and stoked. This time, I'm so not. I tried to figure out why, and it didn't take long. It's because the other times I was moving forward--losing more weight. This time I'm losing what I already lost. And I'm pretty bummed and bitter about regaining it, especially when I didn't earn it.
It was not very long ago I was in Texas, MUCH thinner than I am now. I followed the program. I did the work. But, as per usual, my body attacked me again. Today I said to Mark, "Don't you think there are only a few causes of rapid, cyclic weight gain? Don't you think they should know what they are, and go from there, instead of doing a few tests, shrugging, and saying, 'Sorry. Can't figure you out. See you in a year'?" It's just wrong.
I hate wrong.
So, today I'm hungry. Very damn hungry. For a fleeting second I wanted to say, "Screw it! I'm starving! I need to eat!" But, I didn't give in to it. I do hate being hungry, though. And the first couple of days are especially bad after the forced feasting.
To top it off, I'm having some weird tendinitis thing in my right arm, that makes doing pretty much anything hurt. Random sharp shooting pains and a continual ache help neither my mood, nor getting anything done. Let's hope it's one of those fluke, short lived things we all get from time to time.
At least the injections themselves are going far better than before. The smaller needles and less injectible fluid are such an improvement. I'm trying to think positively, that it's the sign of a very positive cycle and stabilization. Go, team!
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