A little blog about Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Went to an Ice Cream Social
I had one small scoop, two small cookies, and one small cup of lemonade. Still good! But I felt kinda yucky after. I do fine with sugars when it's with a meal, not as the meal.
Wonder what the scale will do? This morning I was a pound up, but I'm reasonably certain it's cycle related. Proof of a fallen world: me approaching "that time of the month" going into VBS week. Be afraid.
I think the next time I'm faced with a carb orgy, I may pass. Or maybe just have one item (though very small, I had everything offered). I really do feel more comfortable having dessert with a meal.
Anna was great. She played "Oh Susannah" on her violin. It was awesome.
Crikey, I'm sore. All week driving in and out of town, working like a trojan. Sad to say, walking is difficult. Oh please, let the surgery work.
Wonder what the scale will do? This morning I was a pound up, but I'm reasonably certain it's cycle related. Proof of a fallen world: me approaching "that time of the month" going into VBS week. Be afraid.
I think the next time I'm faced with a carb orgy, I may pass. Or maybe just have one item (though very small, I had everything offered). I really do feel more comfortable having dessert with a meal.
Anna was great. She played "Oh Susannah" on her violin. It was awesome.
Crikey, I'm sore. All week driving in and out of town, working like a trojan. Sad to say, walking is difficult. Oh please, let the surgery work.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Graduation
I'm in Maintanance. Woo hoo! Sorry I've not written lately; I've been so busy...and so tired. Last night I was in bed @8:30. Too much for this body with Anna's camp to and from, VBS prep, and surgery stuff prep. I'm just worn out (and in pain).
But..maintenance! Yesterday I had my first non-program meal. True, I didn't go buck wild, but even so--bacon was consumed! And a piece of bread the size of a 50 cent piece (boy, was it tasty).
And today...weight exactly the same! I'm going insane today, dude, and put a carrot on my salad. Don't try and stop me.
But..maintenance! Yesterday I had my first non-program meal. True, I didn't go buck wild, but even so--bacon was consumed! And a piece of bread the size of a 50 cent piece (boy, was it tasty).
And today...weight exactly the same! I'm going insane today, dude, and put a carrot on my salad. Don't try and stop me.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
A Message?
You how how on Amazon you get these stupid catch phrases to enter in the shipping box (I never do, but I see the phrases before ignoring them!)? Today's said: Sandra's Dramatic Alternation.
How'd they know?
How'd they know?
Still in the Zone
Another picnic down. It's getting easier. Don't love it, but I can live with it. It's not forever.
I may have mentioned this, but if I can lose another 10 or so before October, then do a long session (where it goes well) and lose the full 35, I may be *done* right before Christmas.
That'd be sweet!
I realize it may not all be perfect, given life isn't thus, but I'm going to give it a try. Another 45 and I think I'd be pretty smurfy.
I may have mentioned this, but if I can lose another 10 or so before October, then do a long session (where it goes well) and lose the full 35, I may be *done* right before Christmas.
That'd be sweet!
I realize it may not all be perfect, given life isn't thus, but I'm going to give it a try. Another 45 and I think I'd be pretty smurfy.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Muffins
Tomorrow is our church picnic; I wanted to bake something. So these incredible smelling banana muffins are filling the house with sweet goodness! Boy, do I wish I could eat one (or 10). I'm truly grateful I can still glean pleasure from cooking and baking despite my dietary restrictions. But still, I'd like a muffin!
I don't like the feeling my life is reduced to a giant, pulsating TO DO list. This is the third out of four summers I've had surgery. And the other one my mom died! Do I not qualify for a break? Other teachers have summers off, you know!
My back hurts cruelly. The aforementioned to do list involves movement. A lot of it. And it flares my back something awful. The pain is almost an entity. And I no longer have food to anesthetize me.
Three weeks to go. Did I mention I wish I could have a muffin?
I don't like the feeling my life is reduced to a giant, pulsating TO DO list. This is the third out of four summers I've had surgery. And the other one my mom died! Do I not qualify for a break? Other teachers have summers off, you know!
My back hurts cruelly. The aforementioned to do list involves movement. A lot of it. And it flares my back something awful. The pain is almost an entity. And I no longer have food to anesthetize me.
Three weeks to go. Did I mention I wish I could have a muffin?
And the verdict is...
Stable. Weight stayin' the same, which is just fine with me.
Not looking over forward to tomorrow, with a big potluck picnic, then a birthday party at a public place that will have snacks that likewise I can't eat. It's not convenient to have to produce and tote mass quantities of food.
Four days 'til MAINTENANCE! Looking forward to it. Not that I can strap on a nose bag, but at least I can work special meals into my plan.
Not looking over forward to tomorrow, with a big potluck picnic, then a birthday party at a public place that will have snacks that likewise I can't eat. It's not convenient to have to produce and tote mass quantities of food.
Four days 'til MAINTENANCE! Looking forward to it. Not that I can strap on a nose bag, but at least I can work special meals into my plan.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Woot!
Down again. Yay! Down .6 from LIW. Face is almost clear. Emotions=within normal peramaters. I'm a little less than 2# above Decade of Z.
Could happen!
Could happen!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Yes, I Was Saying
If I can get 40ish more off, I think I can be happy and healthy. I donno, of course. I'll have to see. 40 off what I have now will likely look a lot different on a 40-year-old frame than it did 20 years ago when I erupted in fat.
So, maybe one more long cycle. You'll just have to put up with me for the seven+ weeks. Ugh. I guess I'll have to put up with me too!
While I like the idea of doing it in the bleak Jan-Feb time, getting it over and done is appealing too.
Well, I guess it all depends on my surgery recovery, too. Again, time will tell.
So, maybe one more long cycle. You'll just have to put up with me for the seven+ weeks. Ugh. I guess I'll have to put up with me too!
While I like the idea of doing it in the bleak Jan-Feb time, getting it over and done is appealing too.
Well, I guess it all depends on my surgery recovery, too. Again, time will tell.
A Moment of Optimism?
I think I'm doing better. I've been stabilizing for two weeks, and it just occured to me that I'm feeling more stable! Emotionally, of course. Mentally, it's a free for all at any time. :)
Here's my working plan. Since I did the math (and even "Sandra Math" coudn't save it), I'll do a long program in Oct-Nov (should be done five seconds before Christmas). I'm hoping to lose maybe 10# between now and October. I don't know if that will happen. Time will tell.
If it does, and I can lose 35# on the next long cycle, that may be "it"! I'm not aspiring for the goddess-like physiques of my friends who have lost weight. I don't think I'm built for "thin." Really now, who has my bra size (naturally, not Pamela Anderson) and is svelte?
But that's ok with me. I'm me. I just want to be me without a big belly!
Here's my working plan. Since I did the math (and even "Sandra Math" coudn't save it), I'll do a long program in Oct-Nov (should be done five seconds before Christmas). I'm hoping to lose maybe 10# between now and October. I don't know if that will happen. Time will tell.
If it does, and I can lose 35# on the next long cycle, that may be "it"! I'm not aspiring for the goddess-like physiques of my friends who have lost weight. I don't think I'm built for "thin." Really now, who has my bra size (naturally, not Pamela Anderson) and is svelte?
But that's ok with me. I'm me. I just want to be me without a big belly!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I Found a Snack!
I had to log back on because I remembered something I needed to do. So I thought I'd tell you my snack happiness while I'm online. I've been thwarted losing nuts, berries, and my favorite snack: apples dipped in peanut or almond butter.
So today, I decided I'd try apple slices dipped in soft cream cheese. YUM-O! I have a snacky thing now!
A little nervous about the scale tomorrow. While Anna and Mark had camping food, I ate a large container (over three days) of cherry tomatoes. Will all be well? Or will I have gained 33 pounds since Sunday morning?
One week 'til bacon.
So today, I decided I'd try apple slices dipped in soft cream cheese. YUM-O! I have a snacky thing now!
A little nervous about the scale tomorrow. While Anna and Mark had camping food, I ate a large container (over three days) of cherry tomatoes. Will all be well? Or will I have gained 33 pounds since Sunday morning?
One week 'til bacon.
Stable...?
I forgot to blog before I left. Weight was stable. For one day, then I left for two! So tomorrow will tell the tale of the scale. Gulp.
Ok, so camping on a special diet kinda sucks. But, it's not uncharted territory. I've gone to the drive-in, and sat through several foodcentric holidays and lived to tell.
So this guy sort of hit on me at the Sol Duc hot springs. He wasn't a pervert or a creep, so I wasn't grossed out. Just darned surprised.
Ok, so camping on a special diet kinda sucks. But, it's not uncharted territory. I've gone to the drive-in, and sat through several foodcentric holidays and lived to tell.
So this guy sort of hit on me at the Sol Duc hot springs. He wasn't a pervert or a creep, so I wasn't grossed out. Just darned surprised.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Apres the Steak Day
-2# Back to my LIW (.2 below, actually).
We'll be going camping tomorrow after church, so I'll not be weighing Monday and Tuesday. Probably a good thing. My psyche needs the break.
I spent laborious time making a plan for bringing my special food along. What a pain!
But there will be many other camping trips, holidays, and meals out.
We'll be going camping tomorrow after church, so I'll not be weighing Monday and Tuesday. Probably a good thing. My psyche needs the break.
I spent laborious time making a plan for bringing my special food along. What a pain!
But there will be many other camping trips, holidays, and meals out.
Friday, July 16, 2010
End of the Steak Day
Boy, am I hungry! After being hungry all day, then having a big steak and big apple, I can't believe I'm hungry again! But...it was 5 hours ago that I ate dinner, so maybe it's not so bad.
Feeling a lot better. I almost deleted my depressed posts, but I figure they've been read already, so why bother? And this blog is nothing but authentic. It's like a diary I invited half a handful of people to share with me. Now you know why I don't advertise it or even mention it on FB or anywhere else.
My face is burning. Hmmmm. The cortisone creme isn't helping at the moment. Overall, it's a lot better, though.
There's a decent chance I'll be back to the LIW tomorrow. This round has not been fun. The doc agreed with me that it's a good thing for me to have a few months off of injections; it really has played hell with me hormonally. With my PCOS, I'm prone to hormonal disturbances in the force anyway. This. Does. Not. Help.
But it seems to be the only thing that is working for weight loss. So I think HCG and I are stuck with each other for awhile.
I've reconsidered something. I bit Mark's head off when he asked if I'd be doing a long cycle in Oct. Now...? The doc (and my paperwork) said each time between cycles has to be longer. I was planning on doing a short right before the holidays and a long right after. Clearly, this would not work. And with Mark graduating and us hoping to go to Disneyland for Anna's 10th birthday...you see my dilemma. Oh well, I've missed so many holiday feasts already, would Thanksgiving really be the end of the world? I think not.
Speaking of feasts, I don't want you to think Mark's a cad for eating pastry in front of me. Indeed, it's my idea. Don't worry, I'm not some sort of weird food voyeuer. I just don't want everybody to suffer with me. It's my gig (the diet--not suffering--ok, well, that too, but anyway....). And it's not that they're eating. It's that I "can't" that makes it tough. But it's not forever (it just feels like it).
Onward and upward. Thanks for the cyber hugs.
Feeling a lot better. I almost deleted my depressed posts, but I figure they've been read already, so why bother? And this blog is nothing but authentic. It's like a diary I invited half a handful of people to share with me. Now you know why I don't advertise it or even mention it on FB or anywhere else.
My face is burning. Hmmmm. The cortisone creme isn't helping at the moment. Overall, it's a lot better, though.
There's a decent chance I'll be back to the LIW tomorrow. This round has not been fun. The doc agreed with me that it's a good thing for me to have a few months off of injections; it really has played hell with me hormonally. With my PCOS, I'm prone to hormonal disturbances in the force anyway. This. Does. Not. Help.
But it seems to be the only thing that is working for weight loss. So I think HCG and I are stuck with each other for awhile.
I've reconsidered something. I bit Mark's head off when he asked if I'd be doing a long cycle in Oct. Now...? The doc (and my paperwork) said each time between cycles has to be longer. I was planning on doing a short right before the holidays and a long right after. Clearly, this would not work. And with Mark graduating and us hoping to go to Disneyland for Anna's 10th birthday...you see my dilemma. Oh well, I've missed so many holiday feasts already, would Thanksgiving really be the end of the world? I think not.
Speaking of feasts, I don't want you to think Mark's a cad for eating pastry in front of me. Indeed, it's my idea. Don't worry, I'm not some sort of weird food voyeuer. I just don't want everybody to suffer with me. It's my gig (the diet--not suffering--ok, well, that too, but anyway....). And it's not that they're eating. It's that I "can't" that makes it tough. But it's not forever (it just feels like it).
Onward and upward. Thanks for the cyber hugs.
The Visit
It went well. Probably especially because things took a positive turn this morning, with the scale diving down 3.2# and my face not being nearly so inflamed.
We made a plan of what I need to try (stuff I started yesterday), so we'll see how that goes. Chief among it is no berries for a month. Oh, the humanity! It can't be!
I am doing a steak day today and I'm already really hungry. Argh!
I also got homoeopathics and information for my surgery, and he gave me the names of two naturopaths in Phoenix in case I need to see someone when I'm there.
So, all in all, I'd say things are ok.
More later.
We made a plan of what I need to try (stuff I started yesterday), so we'll see how that goes. Chief among it is no berries for a month. Oh, the humanity! It can't be!
I am doing a steak day today and I'm already really hungry. Argh!
I also got homoeopathics and information for my surgery, and he gave me the names of two naturopaths in Phoenix in case I need to see someone when I'm there.
So, all in all, I'd say things are ok.
More later.
Real Time Blogging
Ok, I've been skirting the scale issue as long as possible. I need to go meet it in battle.
Wait here, I'll go see.
IT'S DOWN! WOO HOO!
Wait here, I'll go see.
IT'S DOWN! WOO HOO!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Still a Little Better
I'm thinking prayers are happening for me. I'm able to take it pretty easy tonight, which is great for my back.
I'm soooo hoping the scale will be DOWN tomorrow (oh please, not up!). And hoping desperately for an answer from the doc.
I wrote to the hotel we're to stay at in Scottsdale a couple of weeks ago. I had seen, after I made the reservation with Travelocity, if you made the reservation off their site, they have lots of "family friendly" Scooby snacks. So I wrote, explained my situation, and asked if we qualified for any of the kid-type upgrades for Anna.
The manager wrote me a very nice email and has comped us all kinds of neat things for Anna! Stuff like a free kid movie rental, ice cream cone coupons, a pizza, gift shop credit, and a couple of other things! It really made me feel good (especially after my letter to Alaska Air resulted in a big lot o'nothing). I was so happy to read Anna the email; she thought that was totally awesome.
Kindnesses make such a difference in this world.
I'll let you know tomorrow the tale of the scale and what the doctor says. No matter what, I'm not giving up.
I'm soooo hoping the scale will be DOWN tomorrow (oh please, not up!). And hoping desperately for an answer from the doc.
I wrote to the hotel we're to stay at in Scottsdale a couple of weeks ago. I had seen, after I made the reservation with Travelocity, if you made the reservation off their site, they have lots of "family friendly" Scooby snacks. So I wrote, explained my situation, and asked if we qualified for any of the kid-type upgrades for Anna.
The manager wrote me a very nice email and has comped us all kinds of neat things for Anna! Stuff like a free kid movie rental, ice cream cone coupons, a pizza, gift shop credit, and a couple of other things! It really made me feel good (especially after my letter to Alaska Air resulted in a big lot o'nothing). I was so happy to read Anna the email; she thought that was totally awesome.
Kindnesses make such a difference in this world.
I'll let you know tomorrow the tale of the scale and what the doctor says. No matter what, I'm not giving up.
A Little Better
Feeling a bit comforted my appt. is in the morning. I'm hoping and praying my doc has a clue of what's going on (and a solution to fix it--stat!). Cortisone cream helps my poor face (a bit).
My back and throat hurt from the Seattle trip. I had to go out for awhile today, though I wanted to stay home, baby my back, and sulk about life's vicissitudes. But, I think going out was the better option (though not for my back).
Anna had a music practice at church; hearing her play music with our church's little band is good medicine. I also got some VBS stuff sorted, which was also cheering. Even though I'm stressing about it, I know it will be great as always. (Our church is filled with creative, loving, giving people who do an incredible job shepherding the little ones. It's a pleasure to be able to be a part of it and to witness the greatness.) Then on the way home I stopped and visited with a friend and that cheers me up, too.
Maybe I just need more attention--lol!
My back and throat hurt from the Seattle trip. I had to go out for awhile today, though I wanted to stay home, baby my back, and sulk about life's vicissitudes. But, I think going out was the better option (though not for my back).
Anna had a music practice at church; hearing her play music with our church's little band is good medicine. I also got some VBS stuff sorted, which was also cheering. Even though I'm stressing about it, I know it will be great as always. (Our church is filled with creative, loving, giving people who do an incredible job shepherding the little ones. It's a pleasure to be able to be a part of it and to witness the greatness.) Then on the way home I stopped and visited with a friend and that cheers me up, too.
Maybe I just need more attention--lol!
'Til Tomorrow
I'm going to stop and get a steak today for Steak Day tomorrow. It would have been better to do it Wednesday, but I was unable to due to my trip to Seattle. Today I'm going to skip fruit (my book suggests it) and have a lot of tea and water.
I will see the doctor tomorrow. I sent him an email with all the details about my weight gain, hormonal issues, and facial rash. In the end it always goes this way with me with doctors, them scratching their heads saying they have no idea as they've never seen this before....
I'm tired of being me. I really am.
I can't do anything that I haven't already been doing. I can't try any harder than I have. I'm tired of being a failure at everything I do, despite trying hard at everything I do. They say God doesn't make mistakes or have favorites, but I don't really believe that. The evidence just doesn't support it.
I will see the doctor tomorrow. I sent him an email with all the details about my weight gain, hormonal issues, and facial rash. In the end it always goes this way with me with doctors, them scratching their heads saying they have no idea as they've never seen this before....
I'm tired of being me. I really am.
I can't do anything that I haven't already been doing. I can't try any harder than I have. I'm tired of being a failure at everything I do, despite trying hard at everything I do. They say God doesn't make mistakes or have favorites, but I don't really believe that. The evidence just doesn't support it.
Feeling Lost
I've gained back six pounds in a week. And I've not deviated from the diet one bite.
I do have a doctor appointment tomorrow. Makes me all the more cranky to pour even more money into this cycle which has been a disaster. I ought to do a steak day, but I had the out-patient surgery yesterday and I feel weak and bad already.
Hugs, anyone? Anyone?
I do have a doctor appointment tomorrow. Makes me all the more cranky to pour even more money into this cycle which has been a disaster. I ought to do a steak day, but I had the out-patient surgery yesterday and I feel weak and bad already.
Hugs, anyone? Anyone?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Back from Seattle
Did not weigh in today, as I was at a hotel. I'd say it's a good thing that I wasn't menaced by the scale. I'm hoping my weight is settling down. My face, however, is not. Just call me spot. I'm going to have to get in there and see the doctor about both my food allergies (?) and the problems I'm having with this cycle.
Going overnight to Seattle was exceptionally difficult with the food thing. I packed food along. I also supplemented with a grocery store stop.
It was still hard.
I even had to bring my own after-procedure snack as I couldn't have their juice and graham cracker! What a hassle. I have to admit it wasn't fun to see them eating pastries from Pike Place Market.
Going overnight to Seattle was exceptionally difficult with the food thing. I packed food along. I also supplemented with a grocery store stop.
It was still hard.
I even had to bring my own after-procedure snack as I couldn't have their juice and graham cracker! What a hassle. I have to admit it wasn't fun to see them eating pastries from Pike Place Market.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Cascade Failure
You know what bothers me the most about this? Doing everything right and still having it all go wrong.
From the start of this cycle, it's felt off. I think it was the different mixture of hcg.
I hate the helpless feeling of wishing I had of left well enough alone and not done another cycle. I was feeling pretty good, heck--I was losing weight on maintenance!
I feel like I'm being punished for something, but all I tried to do was the right thing for the right reasons.
From the start of this cycle, it's felt off. I think it was the different mixture of hcg.
I hate the helpless feeling of wishing I had of left well enough alone and not done another cycle. I was feeling pretty good, heck--I was losing weight on maintenance!
I feel like I'm being punished for something, but all I tried to do was the right thing for the right reasons.
Stabilization: Revenge of the Sith
1.8# up today. Not total, today. I reviewed everything I ate: all in the program. My face is also broken out as bad as it was when I ate nuts. Something has gone terribly wrong.
5# gain in the week of stabilization.
And I'm leaving for Seattle today, so I cannot manage the steak day...until Thursday.
Also suffering a great deal of nerve pain in my back.
Not good.
5# gain in the week of stabilization.
And I'm leaving for Seattle today, so I cannot manage the steak day...until Thursday.
Also suffering a great deal of nerve pain in my back.
Not good.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Silly Me
...and cream cheese! The beloved cheesecake had cream cheese. Yum-o!
I can totally live this way. But, my weight needs to just stabilize already. It makes me nervous having it creep up so.
I'll be packing a cooler of food to Seattle for the overnight Scope-o-rama. Yay. Oh no, go ahead guys, enjoy your pizza...I'm all set here. :-}
Three weeks 'til VBS. I think I need to breathe into a sack.
I can totally live this way. But, my weight needs to just stabilize already. It makes me nervous having it creep up so.
I'll be packing a cooler of food to Seattle for the overnight Scope-o-rama. Yay. Oh no, go ahead guys, enjoy your pizza...I'm all set here. :-}
Three weeks 'til VBS. I think I need to breathe into a sack.
Cheesecake!
Spent the afternoon with a friend (always good medicine). My friend found an hcg-compatible cheesecake recipe--I'm serious! It has eggs, vanilla, and stevia! It was completely delicious. And we had strawberries with it.
Awesome, huh?
Awesome, huh?
Another Gain
Up another .4#. :( One more .4 gain (it's been every two days it goes up precicely .4), the dreaded steak day.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Stabilization: Day 5
Still up a bit. I'm a pound+ over the LIW. I do remember it doing this last time, so I'm forcing myself not to panic. As I recall, last time I went up, eventually it stabilized, then came back down. Then went farther down during maintenance. Let's hope that's how it goes this time as well.
I hope I don't gain around my surgery--especially the travel. I sure wish there was a Laser Spine Institute in Seattle!
Feeling weird, though. I really think it was the double potency drugs. Next time I'm requesting the "old kind." I've felt weird the whole time. It seems to be messing with my hormone balance.
Well, at least I won't be subjecting myself to hormonal torture again until October. Let us hope things all settle down soon. I don't like feeling yucky.
Today I saw someone I've not seen since last summer. They totally noticed my weight loss and it made me feel good.
I hope I don't gain around my surgery--especially the travel. I sure wish there was a Laser Spine Institute in Seattle!
Feeling weird, though. I really think it was the double potency drugs. Next time I'm requesting the "old kind." I've felt weird the whole time. It seems to be messing with my hormone balance.
Well, at least I won't be subjecting myself to hormonal torture again until October. Let us hope things all settle down soon. I don't like feeling yucky.
Today I saw someone I've not seen since last summer. They totally noticed my weight loss and it made me feel good.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Random Thought
People who have not been as successful as I have at this HCG program seem to think I'm lucky.
Luck has had nothing to do with it. Those same people played fast and loose with the rules. I've stuck to it through thick and thin, through holidays, traveling, good times, bad times, hard times. I didn't say "screw it" or "just this once" because it was more convenient or because I was hungry.
I've earned every pound I've lost--the hard way.
Luck has had nothing to do with it. Those same people played fast and loose with the rules. I've stuck to it through thick and thin, through holidays, traveling, good times, bad times, hard times. I didn't say "screw it" or "just this once" because it was more convenient or because I was hungry.
I've earned every pound I've lost--the hard way.
Stabilization: Day 3
Today the weight is unchanged, still 1# up from the LIW. Not feeling sick anymore after eating.
I like Maintenance way better than Stabilization, mostly because it again increases the variety (and takes away almost all hassle). At that time I can have cured meats, which makes my routine of having chef salads for lunch semi-daily feasible again.
Feeling kinda :( this morning. Mark and Anna went up to the Dosewallips river to go fishing. I didn't get to go (health reasons). I must remind myself this is why I'm having my 10th (big) surgery--if you count "procedures" I'm up around two dozen--maybe more (just take me behind the barn and shoot me). The weight loss has done nothing for my pain problems (too bad when I tell this to my dad, I get a blank face and a nonsensical reply). My weight is a symptom of my health issues--not the cause of them (damn it!).
My thoracic problem is flared up, as is my back, so working on the projects I want will be problematic. It seems everybody I know is busy, so frankly, I'm feeling lonely. That's kind of a rarity for me, and it sucks.
Ah, well. Time to take it like a man and go clean the house. I want the house to be nice when they get home and hopefully I can get a few items crossed off my to-do list.
I like Maintenance way better than Stabilization, mostly because it again increases the variety (and takes away almost all hassle). At that time I can have cured meats, which makes my routine of having chef salads for lunch semi-daily feasible again.
Feeling kinda :( this morning. Mark and Anna went up to the Dosewallips river to go fishing. I didn't get to go (health reasons). I must remind myself this is why I'm having my 10th (big) surgery--if you count "procedures" I'm up around two dozen--maybe more (just take me behind the barn and shoot me). The weight loss has done nothing for my pain problems (too bad when I tell this to my dad, I get a blank face and a nonsensical reply). My weight is a symptom of my health issues--not the cause of them (damn it!).
My thoracic problem is flared up, as is my back, so working on the projects I want will be problematic. It seems everybody I know is busy, so frankly, I'm feeling lonely. That's kind of a rarity for me, and it sucks.
Ah, well. Time to take it like a man and go clean the house. I want the house to be nice when they get home and hopefully I can get a few items crossed off my to-do list.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Definately Sophomore Slump
Up 2.2 pounds today. Gee, thanks! Lame. I know it's not "real," but it still is worrisome and disappointing. Yesterday's stabilization didn't go as well as before. I felt sick each time after eating, especially last night. Ugh. I know it will shake down and be ok, but right now...
I am quite glad to have a few months off. Even though I'm still heavier than I'd like (about 40 above where I think I can say, "Ok, I can live with this..."), losing a lot of weight in a short time isn't all fun and games.
As I yelped like Scooby Doo upon taking a step (that weird calf muscle thing), I thought, "Yeah, having a break for my body to just rest and get strong is a good thing."
Six weeks today from my surgery. I'm scared. You'd think after having so many, I'd be less scared, but it doesn't work like that. Just thinking about it I feel the nausea and terror that happen to me every time I go into the OR. I quail when I think about my typical surgical recovery time (slow and painful). And I want to hide under the bed when I think about the pain that I'll experience having to *sit* on a plane.
"I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned to swim..."
I am quite glad to have a few months off. Even though I'm still heavier than I'd like (about 40 above where I think I can say, "Ok, I can live with this..."), losing a lot of weight in a short time isn't all fun and games.
As I yelped like Scooby Doo upon taking a step (that weird calf muscle thing), I thought, "Yeah, having a break for my body to just rest and get strong is a good thing."
Six weeks today from my surgery. I'm scared. You'd think after having so many, I'd be less scared, but it doesn't work like that. Just thinking about it I feel the nausea and terror that happen to me every time I go into the OR. I quail when I think about my typical surgical recovery time (slow and painful). And I want to hide under the bed when I think about the pain that I'll experience having to *sit* on a plane.
"I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned to swim..."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Stabilization!
It's fitting today is post 200. Feels like I've been working on my weight for about 2000 years! The hormonal weight vanished, leaving me with a cool 15# loss this time and a grand total of 66# (to the ounce). I'm but 1.2# above Decade of Z (What will I do then? Should have thought this numeric alphabetic code through ahead of time.). It will likely be awhile as stabilization is inherently volatile. But now for the good stuff...
MY BREAKFAST WAS AWESOME, FELLA! Oooh, boy. Food tastes soooooo good! Since I can't have cured breakfast meat, last time I created my own with ground pork (which, oddly enough has no curing). Good eats, mate! We had that, with an egg, and plain Greek yogurt sweetened with stevia and strawberries on top.
I'm saving the tea with cream for later. No need to rush as I'm on parole until October (my dad has offered to cover the expense from here on out!!!!!). I'm savoring this whole day.
MY BREAKFAST WAS AWESOME, FELLA! Oooh, boy. Food tastes soooooo good! Since I can't have cured breakfast meat, last time I created my own with ground pork (which, oddly enough has no curing). Good eats, mate! We had that, with an egg, and plain Greek yogurt sweetened with stevia and strawberries on top.
I'm saving the tea with cream for later. No need to rush as I'm on parole until October (my dad has offered to cover the expense from here on out!!!!!). I'm savoring this whole day.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Day 23: Tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow, I get to eeeeeeaaaattttt! I'm so excited! 23 days of being hungry, missing out on holiday meals, and injecting myself in the leg has not been "fun." My friend is right, I don't regret it.
Wish I hadda lost more. Today I was up 1 pound. I know hormonal tidal conditions prevail so it's not legit. I guess when the dust settles I'll have lost another 15. The total right now is 66#. Not too shabby.
Tomorrow my plans include eggs, cheese, cream, and yogurt. A right spot of bother about nuts. Once things settle down I'll try them again and hope I don't look like a ladybug again. Or worse than I already do. Even three+ weeks sans nuts hasn't taken away all the facial allergy manifestations. The only allergenic food I've been eating is strawberries. Where the heck have these food allergies come from? Make them go away!
Today somebody said, "You look different." I don't really feel different. I'm still me.
Wish I hadda lost more. Today I was up 1 pound. I know hormonal tidal conditions prevail so it's not legit. I guess when the dust settles I'll have lost another 15. The total right now is 66#. Not too shabby.
Tomorrow my plans include eggs, cheese, cream, and yogurt. A right spot of bother about nuts. Once things settle down I'll try them again and hope I don't look like a ladybug again. Or worse than I already do. Even three+ weeks sans nuts hasn't taken away all the facial allergy manifestations. The only allergenic food I've been eating is strawberries. Where the heck have these food allergies come from? Make them go away!
Today somebody said, "You look different." I don't really feel different. I'm still me.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Day 22: .8
I think I screwed up the dates. I do know today is day 22/23, so we'll just deal with it.
A .8 today. Doesn't "officially" count, but it counts for me! There's some hormonal business involved, so perhaps that's why there was no loss yesterday.
Ok, time for The Tale of the Clothes. Yesterday I went through them all. Through. Them. All. My poor back! And my poor husband for having to haul the gigantic, heavy box to Goodwill today (thanks, honey). I am an overproducing pain factory today, that's for sure. A big part of attacking this project now is my chiropractor appt. scheduled for tomorrow!
I divested myself of a full 2/3 of my clothing. First the bad, then the good. The bad was I definitely had some emotion in getting rid of many items. In part because my mom bought a lot of them for me, and in part because I've lived a lot of life in those clothes--many memories attached. It's been 17 years since I was this size (hello, 1x--nice to see you again!). I did keep an underbed tupperware with my very favorites, both because I want to have a little something "just in case" and for emotional reasons.
I'm not getting rid of all that just to burn the ships, while I see the merit in that. There are a number of reasons. A lot of the clothes never fit right to begin with. Some were worn out (those did not go to Goodwill but will be repurposed into rags, fabric, etc). But most importantly, I'm trying to put my house on a diet. I often grouse about having a small house, but maybe what I need is less crap. For years I've said I want to have fewer clothes. I mean, seriously peeps, don't we all wear the same several items over and over 'cause we like 'em?
I feel really happy to now SEE everything in my (tiny) closet. Shoes, too. I tried them all on and got rid of the nice ones that don't fit--indeed, never fit right! And to my joy I discovered my Converse still fit (forgot them buried in the rubble). Oh, Converse, how did I live without you so long?
Ooooh, one more thing to tell you! In the past few times over the last decade I'd lost weight (though I never did better than 10# higher than now), I'd buy clothes on my beloved Lands' End Overstock section. Sometimes I'd see a REALLY cute shirt or something in the 1x and order it, believing I'd "be able to fit it soon." Well, the soon never came.
Thank the Lord LE never changes--and now I have several new, uber cool shirts and nighties (I had been in a nightly state of discomfiture due to too large nighties). They're not loose, so I believe I should be all set for the next several months to come.
A .8 today. Doesn't "officially" count, but it counts for me! There's some hormonal business involved, so perhaps that's why there was no loss yesterday.
Ok, time for The Tale of the Clothes. Yesterday I went through them all. Through. Them. All. My poor back! And my poor husband for having to haul the gigantic, heavy box to Goodwill today (thanks, honey). I am an overproducing pain factory today, that's for sure. A big part of attacking this project now is my chiropractor appt. scheduled for tomorrow!
I divested myself of a full 2/3 of my clothing. First the bad, then the good. The bad was I definitely had some emotion in getting rid of many items. In part because my mom bought a lot of them for me, and in part because I've lived a lot of life in those clothes--many memories attached. It's been 17 years since I was this size (hello, 1x--nice to see you again!). I did keep an underbed tupperware with my very favorites, both because I want to have a little something "just in case" and for emotional reasons.
I'm not getting rid of all that just to burn the ships, while I see the merit in that. There are a number of reasons. A lot of the clothes never fit right to begin with. Some were worn out (those did not go to Goodwill but will be repurposed into rags, fabric, etc). But most importantly, I'm trying to put my house on a diet. I often grouse about having a small house, but maybe what I need is less crap. For years I've said I want to have fewer clothes. I mean, seriously peeps, don't we all wear the same several items over and over 'cause we like 'em?
I feel really happy to now SEE everything in my (tiny) closet. Shoes, too. I tried them all on and got rid of the nice ones that don't fit--indeed, never fit right! And to my joy I discovered my Converse still fit (forgot them buried in the rubble). Oh, Converse, how did I live without you so long?
Ooooh, one more thing to tell you! In the past few times over the last decade I'd lost weight (though I never did better than 10# higher than now), I'd buy clothes on my beloved Lands' End Overstock section. Sometimes I'd see a REALLY cute shirt or something in the 1x and order it, believing I'd "be able to fit it soon." Well, the soon never came.
Thank the Lord LE never changes--and now I have several new, uber cool shirts and nighties (I had been in a nightly state of discomfiture due to too large nighties). They're not loose, so I believe I should be all set for the next several months to come.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Last Shot!
So, I lost NOTHING today! Lame! I guess I should be grateful it hasn't happened until now this time (even when a slow loss, at least it was something). That's life, no?
Let's see. The tally for this round: 13.8. Not the vaunted 15 promised. Hrumph. Oh well, it's not nothing. This I discovered last night during The Tale of the Coats (Isn't this why you read this blog? The breakneck pacing and action?)
I have been attempting to do what I can with house stuff before my surgery. It's tough with the pain I'm in. So I often start with smaller ones. Like the coat pegs at the end of the hall.
When I was straightening them up, I noticed a few coats of mine. One, a fleece vest I bought some time ago and was never able to fit. FITS! I tried on my long green winter coat (that I've had since I lived in Port Orchard in 1993). TOO BIG! I tried on a coat Mark passed along to me several years ago that only fit for a short time. FITS! My standard green barn coat that never ages. TOO BIG! So, I'll be giving away the large ones and really relishing the smaller ones.
Boy, was it satisfying to do the last shot. Hurt like h**l today, too. My legs have bruises up and down. Glad to be giving that a pass for awhile. I'm not excited about the likely weight gain starting Wed. when I go on stabilization. I shall try not to freak out.
Mark and Anna are having pancakes and bacon while I type. It smells good. I would like to have a big plate of pancakes and bacon. But I like fitting that coat a whole lot more.
Grand Tally since I started this adventure in mid-February: 65#.
Let's see. The tally for this round: 13.8. Not the vaunted 15 promised. Hrumph. Oh well, it's not nothing. This I discovered last night during The Tale of the Coats (Isn't this why you read this blog? The breakneck pacing and action?)
I have been attempting to do what I can with house stuff before my surgery. It's tough with the pain I'm in. So I often start with smaller ones. Like the coat pegs at the end of the hall.
When I was straightening them up, I noticed a few coats of mine. One, a fleece vest I bought some time ago and was never able to fit. FITS! I tried on my long green winter coat (that I've had since I lived in Port Orchard in 1993). TOO BIG! I tried on a coat Mark passed along to me several years ago that only fit for a short time. FITS! My standard green barn coat that never ages. TOO BIG! So, I'll be giving away the large ones and really relishing the smaller ones.
Boy, was it satisfying to do the last shot. Hurt like h**l today, too. My legs have bruises up and down. Glad to be giving that a pass for awhile. I'm not excited about the likely weight gain starting Wed. when I go on stabilization. I shall try not to freak out.
Mark and Anna are having pancakes and bacon while I type. It smells good. I would like to have a big plate of pancakes and bacon. But I like fitting that coat a whole lot more.
Grand Tally since I started this adventure in mid-February: 65#.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
It's Official
65#. Sometimes I catch a mirror glance and think, "Wow, I don't look so BIG anymore." Other times I think, "Ewwwww. Big and flabby!"
Maybe this diet will be The Thing that is different from all Previous Things. I've never lost this much before. Before I'd get to this point my body would freak out and pack it back on.
Maybe this diet will be The Thing that is different from all Previous Things. I've never lost this much before. Before I'd get to this point my body would freak out and pack it back on.
Day 19: Four Days 'til Cream, Cheese, and Eggs
Woo hoo! .4 today: so-so. I'll take it, though. I've reached that point again where I have the weird, shooting pains when I take a step (not every time!). That, my young friend, is caused my weight being lost faster than the muscles can adapt. It causes a lack of support (or something), hence the pain. The body does adjust, the muscles shrink, but it does take a little while. Clearly, it's a problem I can live with, knowing both its origin and its short duration.
14# this round. 2.4# above Decade of Z. Will I make it in time? Uh...no. Tomorrow is my LIW. But I'll get there. There's a chance I'll make it to the vaunted 15#. It does seem the weight loss is a consistent 5# per week, whether it's the long program or short.
Oh, man. Mark is making breakfast and the scents wafting into the bedroom are...unpleasant. Last night had a bbq at my dad's house. They had huge steaks, artisan bread slathered in butter, and heaping bowls of fruit salad. I had a couple of ounces of plain chicken, romaine lettuce, and cucumber (no dressing). While I'm never really tempted to say "screw it" and dive in, I still long for this to be over.
BBQ here tomorrow. I'm making strawberry shortcake as my contribution. Good sport or chump? You make the call.
14# this round. 2.4# above Decade of Z. Will I make it in time? Uh...no. Tomorrow is my LIW. But I'll get there. There's a chance I'll make it to the vaunted 15#. It does seem the weight loss is a consistent 5# per week, whether it's the long program or short.
Oh, man. Mark is making breakfast and the scents wafting into the bedroom are...unpleasant. Last night had a bbq at my dad's house. They had huge steaks, artisan bread slathered in butter, and heaping bowls of fruit salad. I had a couple of ounces of plain chicken, romaine lettuce, and cucumber (no dressing). While I'm never really tempted to say "screw it" and dive in, I still long for this to be over.
BBQ here tomorrow. I'm making strawberry shortcake as my contribution. Good sport or chump? You make the call.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Day 18: .4 (Eh)
.4 hrumph. 2.8# until Decade of Z...
More new pants today (old pants I've not worn in some time). Only problem is is I must have gained some height because they're almost high water. Good thing it's summer and I wear them with sandals.
Mark's got to do some school so I'd better surrender the tech before it gets ugly. For Anna and me, it's the first day post-school. Ahhhhhh.
More new pants today (old pants I've not worn in some time). Only problem is is I must have gained some height because they're almost high water. Good thing it's summer and I wear them with sandals.
Mark's got to do some school so I'd better surrender the tech before it gets ugly. For Anna and me, it's the first day post-school. Ahhhhhh.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Weight a Minute....
I was asked how much more I wanted to lose. I said if life is perfect, another 90#. !!!!! Well, I thought that over. That was like, freshman in high school weight. So....maybe that's not a reasonable goal. I also said I could live with 50. That's a much more reasonable goal. I'd no longer be "fat" then. At least I don't think I would! Hard to say. It's been so long since I got really heavy, I'm not sure how my 40-year-old body would look with my 20-year-old weight.
But I'd like to find out.
But I'd like to find out.
Day 18: Not Long Now....
Last night I took out my baggies and vial and prepared my last four syringes of hcg. It was therapeutic and encouraging for me to know it's almost over. Tossing the preparation materials was most enjoyable.
Four more shots (including this morning). Two more days of VLFD after that. Then Wednesday...ahhhhh!
A savvy friend ran some numbers for me and I was able to see while the hcg diet weight loss is impressive (though it often doesn't feel so to me), my off-cycle weight loss is good, too.
Who knows? I may not do another cycle, should my non-cycle weight loss begin again and continue. It is highly unpleasant, and now prohibitively expensive. If my surgery works, I will be able to exercise again, which helps both metabolism and tone, and things might take care of themselves over (a longer) time.
At least I wasn't going to cycle again for three months anyhow. Time will reveal all.
Four more shots (including this morning). Two more days of VLFD after that. Then Wednesday...ahhhhh!
A savvy friend ran some numbers for me and I was able to see while the hcg diet weight loss is impressive (though it often doesn't feel so to me), my off-cycle weight loss is good, too.
Who knows? I may not do another cycle, should my non-cycle weight loss begin again and continue. It is highly unpleasant, and now prohibitively expensive. If my surgery works, I will be able to exercise again, which helps both metabolism and tone, and things might take care of themselves over (a longer) time.
At least I wasn't going to cycle again for three months anyhow. Time will reveal all.
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