A little blog about Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Hey, a blog update!
Getting ready to go. Too bad I hit the wall sometime yesterday afternoon (figuratively speaking, of course). At times like this I miss not having a mom or a sister to come and help). Well, I miss those things anyway, but especially now!
It's break time. My back has had it.
I hate it that I'm fatter. But I do take comfort in the fact that in 12 days, I'll be home again, working on restarting my life. Thankfully Mark is fully committed to the low carb lifestyle now. That will make it easier to try and work this weight down again. That's not helping us at the moment, though! All the busyness is not helping our diet.
I still don't know what to do about my metabolism. There seems to be no help for it. I don't know why this surprises me. It's been a huge factor in my life for the past 20 years or so.
Hopefully the staggering heat will be an appetite suppressant. Could happen.
It's break time. My back has had it.
I hate it that I'm fatter. But I do take comfort in the fact that in 12 days, I'll be home again, working on restarting my life. Thankfully Mark is fully committed to the low carb lifestyle now. That will make it easier to try and work this weight down again. That's not helping us at the moment, though! All the busyness is not helping our diet.
I still don't know what to do about my metabolism. There seems to be no help for it. I don't know why this surprises me. It's been a huge factor in my life for the past 20 years or so.
Hopefully the staggering heat will be an appetite suppressant. Could happen.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Learning to sing
I'm sad again. But it's ok. Running from sad has never done anybody any favors. And I don't go all Courtney Love when I'm sad, so it's alright.
People have said a lot of dumb things over the past month about my voice. Some have made really stupid, insensitive jokes. But this one acquaintance said something that was unarguably cheeky, but I've been pondering it.
He said, "Maybe God wants you to shut up. Sometimes He's not subtle." When he said that, I quirked my mouth at him and kind of (silently) chuckled. But it's left an impression. And I've thought a lot about it.
Anybody who knows me well knows I always try to turn something crappy into something good. Eventually. It's not that rotten things don't get me down--they do--but I don't stay down. My struggles with infertility led to me writing on that topic for a decade. I received many letters from around the world thanking me for my work, and some crediting my information with conception (Oh, please God, not the next Hitler--I'm just saying...). I've done that about a number of things. I try to put my struggles to good use for other people.
So, I'm trying to seek out a reason for this (Duh, I always do that, and almost never get one.), and if not a reason, something valuable to take away. I've reached a startling conclusion: at least 25% of what springs to my lips is not nice!
Ouch! But it's true. Sure, I'm sardonic and no help for it. But I can also be short tempered and sharp. There's a difference between funny sarcastic and asshole sarcastic. Nature vs. nurture? Indeed. My people are bilingual: impatience and sarcasm. But I think I can do better! I want to do better. Damn, if you knew me 20 years ago, you know I am better. Can I get a witness?
But it's not enough. I feel I'm being called to come up higher. But, why must He ask so much of me all the time? Am I that bad? Life is tiring me out. I'm old...I know I don't look it...
Anyway, I'm trying to learn to temper my temper. I'm hoping and praying when my voice returns I will choose to turn it off when there's something that doesn't need to be said. The work of a lifetime, I'd say.
Eating is not filling the hole, despite my best efforts! I believe this trial will come to an end. I just don't know when. I hope soon; I'm worried about the surgery. The other night I woke up scared. In the dark, all I could do was silently pray, "I'm scared...I'm scared..."
I miss my "normal" life. It's amazing how much better "normal" looks, even when your normal is hard! It's hard to bear this time alone in my silence. I miss talking with my family and friends. I miss talking and sharing. I miss singing.
But for now, I'm learning to sing on the inside.
People have said a lot of dumb things over the past month about my voice. Some have made really stupid, insensitive jokes. But this one acquaintance said something that was unarguably cheeky, but I've been pondering it.
He said, "Maybe God wants you to shut up. Sometimes He's not subtle." When he said that, I quirked my mouth at him and kind of (silently) chuckled. But it's left an impression. And I've thought a lot about it.
Anybody who knows me well knows I always try to turn something crappy into something good. Eventually. It's not that rotten things don't get me down--they do--but I don't stay down. My struggles with infertility led to me writing on that topic for a decade. I received many letters from around the world thanking me for my work, and some crediting my information with conception (Oh, please God, not the next Hitler--I'm just saying...). I've done that about a number of things. I try to put my struggles to good use for other people.
So, I'm trying to seek out a reason for this (Duh, I always do that, and almost never get one.), and if not a reason, something valuable to take away. I've reached a startling conclusion: at least 25% of what springs to my lips is not nice!
Ouch! But it's true. Sure, I'm sardonic and no help for it. But I can also be short tempered and sharp. There's a difference between funny sarcastic and asshole sarcastic. Nature vs. nurture? Indeed. My people are bilingual: impatience and sarcasm. But I think I can do better! I want to do better. Damn, if you knew me 20 years ago, you know I am better. Can I get a witness?
But it's not enough. I feel I'm being called to come up higher. But, why must He ask so much of me all the time? Am I that bad? Life is tiring me out. I'm old...I know I don't look it...
Anyway, I'm trying to learn to temper my temper. I'm hoping and praying when my voice returns I will choose to turn it off when there's something that doesn't need to be said. The work of a lifetime, I'd say.
Eating is not filling the hole, despite my best efforts! I believe this trial will come to an end. I just don't know when. I hope soon; I'm worried about the surgery. The other night I woke up scared. In the dark, all I could do was silently pray, "I'm scared...I'm scared..."
I miss my "normal" life. It's amazing how much better "normal" looks, even when your normal is hard! It's hard to bear this time alone in my silence. I miss talking with my family and friends. I miss talking and sharing. I miss singing.
But for now, I'm learning to sing on the inside.
My motivation left town with my voice
...and I can't find either. They never write, they never call...
Yeah, I'm struggling. I'm having a hard time keeping it all going. We've passed the month mark for my voice being gone. Nobody's ever heard of that. I get a lot of, "You STILL don't have a voice?!?!" with an accusatory expression conveying either they think I'm making it up or doing something to cause it.
I'm trying to get ready for this surgery trip! It's hard enough to manage life with a disability when one CAN talk. And add to that the fact that my last hcg cycle was a bust. The final insult with that is even when I eat "perfectly," the weight creeps back on. Now that I'm not being perfect (fairly good, I'd say), it's coming on quickly. I'm too scared to weigh, but I can tell. My pants aren't as loose and my face looks like a beachball.
It's weird because usually for me discipline tends to be an all or nothing kind of proposition. But in nearly every area, despite my obstacles, I'm keeping it between the lines. But there's one area where the cracks are showing: my diet and fitness.
I know it's dumb because I should be doing everything I can to gain as little as possible before the surgery, but I can't seem to get it back together. I've been slacking on my exercising, too. The mermaid and I haven't been able to coordinate for swimming, and the walking hasn't been happening, either. I've also been half-assing my personal workout routine.
I want to do better, but I can't seem to find my way back to the path. Lost again.
Yeah, I'm struggling. I'm having a hard time keeping it all going. We've passed the month mark for my voice being gone. Nobody's ever heard of that. I get a lot of, "You STILL don't have a voice?!?!" with an accusatory expression conveying either they think I'm making it up or doing something to cause it.
I'm trying to get ready for this surgery trip! It's hard enough to manage life with a disability when one CAN talk. And add to that the fact that my last hcg cycle was a bust. The final insult with that is even when I eat "perfectly," the weight creeps back on. Now that I'm not being perfect (fairly good, I'd say), it's coming on quickly. I'm too scared to weigh, but I can tell. My pants aren't as loose and my face looks like a beachball.
It's weird because usually for me discipline tends to be an all or nothing kind of proposition. But in nearly every area, despite my obstacles, I'm keeping it between the lines. But there's one area where the cracks are showing: my diet and fitness.
I know it's dumb because I should be doing everything I can to gain as little as possible before the surgery, but I can't seem to get it back together. I've been slacking on my exercising, too. The mermaid and I haven't been able to coordinate for swimming, and the walking hasn't been happening, either. I've also been half-assing my personal workout routine.
I want to do better, but I can't seem to find my way back to the path. Lost again.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Looking for advice
How does one get back on the (difficult and unsatisfying, but necessary) straight track when one has derailed?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still eating all the healthy stuff; it's just the other stuff that's encroached.
Doing a steak day tomorrow. Hope I don't scream when I do a pre steak day weigh in tomorrow.
Wait, even if I do scream, nobody will be able to hear it (damned voice).
Don't get me wrong, I'm still eating all the healthy stuff; it's just the other stuff that's encroached.
Doing a steak day tomorrow. Hope I don't scream when I do a pre steak day weigh in tomorrow.
Wait, even if I do scream, nobody will be able to hear it (damned voice).
Shout out to Latvia
Just so you know, I myself am a wee bit Latvian.
Welcome, Countrymen. Thanks for reading.
Welcome, Countrymen. Thanks for reading.
A good song off a good album
Human Touch
by Joe Jackson
Some say the world is spinning faster
Some say it isn't fast enough
Some people say they've got the answer
and some are scared to say they can't keep up
I read the paper but it still isn't clear
The bombs are falling but I'm still here
I know all the figures and I know all the facts
But all I can do is keep trying . . .
To look for the Human Touch
Life is hard when you've got nothing
Life can be hard when you've got too much
Sometimes I wonder what's the difference
It's only better with someone to touch
I got the telephone stuck to my ear
I keep yelling but you don't hear
In all the universe I'm just a speck of dust
But all I can do is keep trying . . .
To give you the Human Touch
You know we're nothing in the scheme of things
Just microchips in big machines
And the world is spinning round and round
but I know that we can slow it down
And I know that I can make you see
I'm on the side of you and me
and all I want to do
listen to me . . .
Is give you . . . give you
Give you the Human Touch
by Joe Jackson
Some say the world is spinning faster
Some say it isn't fast enough
Some people say they've got the answer
and some are scared to say they can't keep up
I read the paper but it still isn't clear
The bombs are falling but I'm still here
I know all the figures and I know all the facts
But all I can do is keep trying . . .
To look for the Human Touch
Life is hard when you've got nothing
Life can be hard when you've got too much
Sometimes I wonder what's the difference
It's only better with someone to touch
I got the telephone stuck to my ear
I keep yelling but you don't hear
In all the universe I'm just a speck of dust
But all I can do is keep trying . . .
To give you the Human Touch
You know we're nothing in the scheme of things
Just microchips in big machines
And the world is spinning round and round
but I know that we can slow it down
And I know that I can make you see
I'm on the side of you and me
and all I want to do
listen to me . . .
Is give you . . . give you
Give you the Human Touch
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
rough patch
Well, it went up again, though I'd ingested no scarbs (simple carbs). Then we hit the weekend and some plans. Now I'm just having a hard time finding any motivation, especially given we're leaving soon for Arizona.
We have a plan for trying to eat reasonably when there, but we don't have a condo, and it won't be that easy. And call me a whiner if you will (I won't disagree), but it sucks to have surgery and dieting during the process just doesn't appeal to me.
I do plan on being pretty straight and narrow after we get home and settled. I don't understand why I gain when I don't eat any simple carbs, but I guess minimizing the carnage is worth something.
I'm way blue about my voice still being gone. I have so much to do. I'm supposed to go with my dad to a family event in Vancouver, WA next week. Not being able to talk for that is not an appealing prospect. It'll be weird enough as is.
It's a blue summer, that's for sure.
We have a plan for trying to eat reasonably when there, but we don't have a condo, and it won't be that easy. And call me a whiner if you will (I won't disagree), but it sucks to have surgery and dieting during the process just doesn't appeal to me.
I do plan on being pretty straight and narrow after we get home and settled. I don't understand why I gain when I don't eat any simple carbs, but I guess minimizing the carnage is worth something.
I'm way blue about my voice still being gone. I have so much to do. I'm supposed to go with my dad to a family event in Vancouver, WA next week. Not being able to talk for that is not an appealing prospect. It'll be weird enough as is.
It's a blue summer, that's for sure.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Argh!
I gave up my bowl of ice cream for .2?! Oh well, if I had of had some, I'd likely have been up at least a full pound.
Isn't that weird? It's supposed to work this way: your body burns up a certain number of calories each day. If you exceed what your body can burn by 3500 calories, you gain a pound.
Not so for me! It's a complete mystery, and not a fun one. Somehow it's all about chemistry and a rogue metabolism. I just don't get it.
Isn't that weird? It's supposed to work this way: your body burns up a certain number of calories each day. If you exceed what your body can burn by 3500 calories, you gain a pound.
Not so for me! It's a complete mystery, and not a fun one. Somehow it's all about chemistry and a rogue metabolism. I just don't get it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
I'm haunted by ice cream
There's an unusual amount of ice cream in my house. Not yucky ice milk, or Sno Star, but good, high quality product.
And I wannnnttttttttt it!
But I want the scale to continue to go down more.
And I wannnnttttttttt it!
But I want the scale to continue to go down more.
A close shave
After my ENT visit (Nothing "serious," my voice will come back someday; but if it doesn't in a month, come back.), we went to the library to see a family showing of The Lion King (Anna had never seen it before.).
They served huge, bottomless bowls of Pirate's Booty. I abstained and nibbled on fruit instead.
Saintly.
They served huge, bottomless bowls of Pirate's Booty. I abstained and nibbled on fruit instead.
Saintly.
Woot!
Another 1.8# down. Wow, water retention is powerful. I'm sure that's that, though. And still five pounds over my "stabilized" weight. In three weeks. No, I didn't eat that much. Stupid metabolism!
Onward and upward. I even stayed up late last night to pack lunches so I'd not be tempted to carb.
Onward and upward. I even stayed up late last night to pack lunches so I'd not be tempted to carb.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I had an epiphany the other day
It occurred to me that "normal" looks a LOT better when one is deprived of it for any length of time--even if normal isn't easy.
I tend to talk a lot here about my health issues, and they're difficult. But the last three weeks, with no speaking voice, it indeed makes the usual look all the more attractive and welcome.
I promise to try and remember this when my voice comes back. Being able to communicate verbally is a great gift. It makes life all the more lovely.
I tend to talk a lot here about my health issues, and they're difficult. But the last three weeks, with no speaking voice, it indeed makes the usual look all the more attractive and welcome.
I promise to try and remember this when my voice comes back. Being able to communicate verbally is a great gift. It makes life all the more lovely.
Back on the path
After the relative success of the steak day, I'm back. I need to get those rogue 7# off...if I can. I went through my pre-surgery schedule and marked the comparatively few days I'll allow myself to have scarbs (simple carbs), and even that, I'll try to hold in check.
Yeah, it's sucky and unfair I can't have a "normal" amount of carbs, or even treats, but in the final analysis, that really doesn't matter. It is what it is. Perhaps after I recover from my back surgery I can start the search again for some sort of a miracle worker who can figure out what the heck the deal is with my metabolism and what we can do with it. In the mean time, I guess I have to use sandbags to try and keep the water from rising too fast. I'm hoping the scale will show a favorable number tomorrow. I'm doing the work.
And I thought I'd stabilized! Whaaaaa!
Tomorrow morning I see the ENT for my voice. Prayers! Good thoughts! I'll take what 'cha got. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, it's sucky and unfair I can't have a "normal" amount of carbs, or even treats, but in the final analysis, that really doesn't matter. It is what it is. Perhaps after I recover from my back surgery I can start the search again for some sort of a miracle worker who can figure out what the heck the deal is with my metabolism and what we can do with it. In the mean time, I guess I have to use sandbags to try and keep the water from rising too fast. I'm hoping the scale will show a favorable number tomorrow. I'm doing the work.
And I thought I'd stabilized! Whaaaaa!
Tomorrow morning I see the ENT for my voice. Prayers! Good thoughts! I'll take what 'cha got. I'll let you know how it goes.
It sucks less now
Best steak day ever! Six pounds! The bad news is, I've still gained 7 "legit" pounds. In three weeks. Again, GMAB! That's so wrong.
I'm back at my post-vacation weight. Cripes.
What can I do? Anyone? Anyone?
I'm back at my post-vacation weight. Cripes.
What can I do? Anyone? Anyone?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
What can be done?
Three weeks without weighing. Yes, I've eaten more. But not that much more. Certainly nothing that should make it possible to have gained...13 pounds.
I'm now #25 above my LIW. Hey, that's even higher than when I started this last damnable cycle.
Depressed.
I'm now #25 above my LIW. Hey, that's even higher than when I started this last damnable cycle.
Depressed.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Back on the straight and narrow
No simple carbs (scarbs) ingested today. Yet. I made soup for lunch, and am making a good dinner, salads for both. I'm going to sit down with my calendar and see how long I can go without a scarb. Yeah, I hate that, but I can totally tell the belly is growing. No good can come from that.
I'm pretty tired and sore from The Hike yesterday. But thankfully my knee isn't the size of a watermelon today. That's probably the biggest thing that has improved with the weight loss: my knee. It's not a normal knee, but it's not quite so oversensitive.
Too bad it hasn't helped the rest of me with that.
I'm pretty tired and sore from The Hike yesterday. But thankfully my knee isn't the size of a watermelon today. That's probably the biggest thing that has improved with the weight loss: my knee. It's not a normal knee, but it's not quite so oversensitive.
Too bad it hasn't helped the rest of me with that.
Monday, July 11, 2011
It sounded like a good idea
Well, as you know I've been trying to fight through the pain and get in better shape--mostly getting in shape for my surgery (which I still think is weird). Until recently, I swam twice a week with The Mermaid. But lately we haven't been going. I don't often walk, though I like to, because hills hurt, and I live on a hill that's on a hill that's on a hill.
Today we drove up to Sol Duc Falls. I decided I wanted to hike to the falls. It's a two mile round trip. For some reason, I suddenly decided I could do it. Why would I think that, after being too scared to try to walk to the Bookmobile (a mere half mile)? I don't know except that I'm a believer in momentum. I felt like I could do it, so off we went.
At first I was good. Capering and gamboling around. When there was nobody else on the trail, I let my stomach out for some fresh air. :) Not a pretty sight, but it made them laugh. Beautiful walk. We're doing well. I start to wonder how darn long is this? Why is it mostly all hill? Then, about 2/3 of the way up, I thought I might have a stroke.
I kept on. Eventually, we got to the top. Just as beautiful as I remember. But, we have to go back. I remember a big part of the reason I haven't done much hiking at all the past few years: when I do it my knee tends to swell up. Great. Now I remember.
About 2/3 of the way down, I whisper in a hiss, "Where the hell is Mordor, anyway?" and start swatting at imaginary things, a la Frodo.
But I made it. It's not Mount Everest, but I did it.
Today we drove up to Sol Duc Falls. I decided I wanted to hike to the falls. It's a two mile round trip. For some reason, I suddenly decided I could do it. Why would I think that, after being too scared to try to walk to the Bookmobile (a mere half mile)? I don't know except that I'm a believer in momentum. I felt like I could do it, so off we went.
At first I was good. Capering and gamboling around. When there was nobody else on the trail, I let my stomach out for some fresh air. :) Not a pretty sight, but it made them laugh. Beautiful walk. We're doing well. I start to wonder how darn long is this? Why is it mostly all hill? Then, about 2/3 of the way up, I thought I might have a stroke.
I kept on. Eventually, we got to the top. Just as beautiful as I remember. But, we have to go back. I remember a big part of the reason I haven't done much hiking at all the past few years: when I do it my knee tends to swell up. Great. Now I remember.
About 2/3 of the way down, I whisper in a hiss, "Where the hell is Mordor, anyway?" and start swatting at imaginary things, a la Frodo.
But I made it. It's not Mount Everest, but I did it.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
We need to talk
Heck, I need to talk! 17 days with no voice. Three weeks with The Virus. I felt ill until Tuesday or Wednesday of last week. I have to say one good thing: I've come to appreciate the ability to communicate much more than ever before. It even feels more important to me than the inability to sit! If I had to choose between never being able to sit or talk again, sitting can go.
It's depressing, frustrating, and worrisome. With my sordid medical history, I start thinking, what if this never goes away? Food...has not been good. I've been playing fast and loose with it and I've not weighed. And I don't feel good about it. Things have been so stressful! And I've seemed to have lost my fire for the whole project. I'm feeling burnt out and tired of working so hard for what feels like nothing. The weight comes back despite the constant deprivation and effort.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still eating mostly healthy. We have lots of produce and protein. It's just some other stuff has crept back in. I've not gone over to the dark side and starting drinking soda again (Mmmmm....soda....), and I've not eaten crap carbs, like Snickers (Mmmmm....snickers....). But, carb has made its evil, insidious way back into my daily diet.
I know I've gained. All my clothes still fit, but the ones that were loose, now aren't as loose. And with leaving for surgery in a couple of weeks, and eating take out exclusively FOR two weeks in Phoenix, I shudder.
I feel weird. I'm tired of trying to communicate with no speaking voice. I'm tired of people whispering at me, or worse yet, talking LOUDLY, and worst yet, talking to me slooowwwwlllyyy. It's weird. Some people get what I'm trying to say easily. Other people, good golly I could use a reader board and they'd not get it. So I end up whispering, and that flares up my vocal chords all the more.
I feel like everybody's forgetting me, too. We only had the smallest of summers to begin with, and now half is gone with sickness. Only a couple of weeks left to try and scramble to get done, and still no voice
As I whispered to Mark during church today, quoting The Great Gonzo, "I feel like I have starfish in my pants." Just uncomfortable. I miss my mom.
It's depressing, frustrating, and worrisome. With my sordid medical history, I start thinking, what if this never goes away? Food...has not been good. I've been playing fast and loose with it and I've not weighed. And I don't feel good about it. Things have been so stressful! And I've seemed to have lost my fire for the whole project. I'm feeling burnt out and tired of working so hard for what feels like nothing. The weight comes back despite the constant deprivation and effort.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still eating mostly healthy. We have lots of produce and protein. It's just some other stuff has crept back in. I've not gone over to the dark side and starting drinking soda again (Mmmmm....soda....), and I've not eaten crap carbs, like Snickers (Mmmmm....snickers....). But, carb has made its evil, insidious way back into my daily diet.
I know I've gained. All my clothes still fit, but the ones that were loose, now aren't as loose. And with leaving for surgery in a couple of weeks, and eating take out exclusively FOR two weeks in Phoenix, I shudder.
I feel weird. I'm tired of trying to communicate with no speaking voice. I'm tired of people whispering at me, or worse yet, talking LOUDLY, and worst yet, talking to me slooowwwwlllyyy. It's weird. Some people get what I'm trying to say easily. Other people, good golly I could use a reader board and they'd not get it. So I end up whispering, and that flares up my vocal chords all the more.
I feel like everybody's forgetting me, too. We only had the smallest of summers to begin with, and now half is gone with sickness. Only a couple of weeks left to try and scramble to get done, and still no voice
As I whispered to Mark during church today, quoting The Great Gonzo, "I feel like I have starfish in my pants." Just uncomfortable. I miss my mom.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I like the no weighing part
But I'm worried. I'm sure I'm gaining! I mean, unless I'm on a steak day, I'm gaining. And being sick for TWO WEEKS (No voice for 11 days and counting), I've not been all that careful.
Yes, I've made sure I've eaten healthy, but I've eaten my fair share of non healthy food too. I haven't gone nuts, but even so...I'm playing fast and loose with my slow and tight metabolism.
No voice, and VBS starts tomorrow. I really really really thought it'd be back by now, however weakly. VBS is physically challenging for me under the best circumstances.
Yes, I've made sure I've eaten healthy, but I've eaten my fair share of non healthy food too. I haven't gone nuts, but even so...I'm playing fast and loose with my slow and tight metabolism.
No voice, and VBS starts tomorrow. I really really really thought it'd be back by now, however weakly. VBS is physically challenging for me under the best circumstances.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Blue blog (you have been warned)
I didn't weigh. Cowardice at its best. I figured I'm blue enough already, and I'm eating well, so it is what it is. Maybe I won't weigh (unless I start playing fast and loose with my diet) at all. I can only do so much. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, I have very little control over what my (stupid) body does. Like now, and this virus.
I almost never "get sick." I eat low sugar, get a lot of sleep, take vitamins, generally live a very healthy lifestyle. And when I do get cold bugs, they tend to be mild and go away quickly. Or like a few months ago, I got a horrible virus, but it went away quickly.
This one...not quickly. Anna and I got sick the day after dance weekend ended (So, June 20 we were sick). It's a weird virus, one Mark's heard of at the store. It gets you, seems to be fairly minor, seems to be going away, then goes guerrilla and kicks your butt. For weeks.
What's the most problematic for me is the laryngitis. That started a week ago today. I've done everything in my power to make my voice better, but it's not happening. I can't croak out anything.
With being ill, I've had to cancel thing after thing after thing (and I have so limited time as I'm leaving for my surgery at the end of this month), things that won't be easily rescheduled when I'm better. People are nice, and I know it's not my fault, but it's distressing.
And now we're getting into the canceling really important things, like speaking in church Sunday (long planned), some friends visiting from across the pond to hear me speak, etc. I still feel ill, but I can work with that. Not being able to speak, that's impossible for me. I've been unable to call people, or even really see people. And it's not showing any real signs of relenting.
I worry constantly about VBS next week. I will be there. That's never been in question for me. Even if I feel this sick, I can be there. It'd suck, but so does life in general, so there you go. And I know I can write notes (perfect with my hand problem--argh) and have Mark be my Talking Mouth Human if necessary. But come on, does it HAVE to be necessary?
I'm feeling blue and discouraged and that's a fact.
I almost never "get sick." I eat low sugar, get a lot of sleep, take vitamins, generally live a very healthy lifestyle. And when I do get cold bugs, they tend to be mild and go away quickly. Or like a few months ago, I got a horrible virus, but it went away quickly.
This one...not quickly. Anna and I got sick the day after dance weekend ended (So, June 20 we were sick). It's a weird virus, one Mark's heard of at the store. It gets you, seems to be fairly minor, seems to be going away, then goes guerrilla and kicks your butt. For weeks.
What's the most problematic for me is the laryngitis. That started a week ago today. I've done everything in my power to make my voice better, but it's not happening. I can't croak out anything.
With being ill, I've had to cancel thing after thing after thing (and I have so limited time as I'm leaving for my surgery at the end of this month), things that won't be easily rescheduled when I'm better. People are nice, and I know it's not my fault, but it's distressing.
And now we're getting into the canceling really important things, like speaking in church Sunday (long planned), some friends visiting from across the pond to hear me speak, etc. I still feel ill, but I can work with that. Not being able to speak, that's impossible for me. I've been unable to call people, or even really see people. And it's not showing any real signs of relenting.
I worry constantly about VBS next week. I will be there. That's never been in question for me. Even if I feel this sick, I can be there. It'd suck, but so does life in general, so there you go. And I know I can write notes (perfect with my hand problem--argh) and have Mark be my Talking Mouth Human if necessary. But come on, does it HAVE to be necessary?
I'm feeling blue and discouraged and that's a fact.
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