Stabilization: Day 6

Going great!  Sitting pretty on my LIW (Last InjectionWeight).  I've done this six times; I'm a professional.

Still waiting for my energy level to get much better.  But, I guess it's to be expected.  Medical weight loss is HARD; it really takes it out of you.  And, being I had my 12th surgery (5th spinal/neurosurgery) a few months ago, I guess I need to be grateful I feel as well as I do!

Still looking forward to summer with great anticipation.  I've said it before, I've had surgery every summerfor seven years in a row--except for one--the one my mom died.  And that DOESN'T count as a "summer off," trust me!

One more thing that I realized about this summer the other day... It takes a person at least a year to really recover from surgery.  More I'd say with my case since I kept doing them.  But I have noticed every time I would hit near a year I'd think, "Wow, I do feel a bit better!"  Then, back to the beginning.  This summer, I can just keep going forward.  No high dive off a cliff. 

Summer!  Fun!  Bring it!!

Stabilization Day 3: Woot!

The first day of stabilization is a honeymoon-type day.  Nothing but food, relief, and hand lotion.  The second day is not.  Your body is trying to stabilize, get rid of the medication, and just deal with things.  I always feel weird.  And when I've weighed on Day 2, it's always upsetting.

Now, of course your weight will shoot up for a few days, before it (ideally) drifts down to your LIW, or within two pounds of it (Over two pounds, you have to do an awful, corrective diet day pronto).  So, I did not weigh yesterday.  Why rain on my parade, right?  Just to be careful, I weighed today.

AND IT'S A FULL POUND BELOW MY LIW!  Wow!  Yay!  Sweet!

First day of food: awesome!

Man, this is great!  I'm so loving food!  And lotion on my hands.  It's all good.  My husband is finishing our dinner (he's grilling steak; I did veggie sides). 

Ok, more fun things I'm looking forward to this surgery-free summer: drive in movies, being able to attend AND enter stuff in the Fair, other various and sundry fun events in my town like the downtown outdoor movie (last year was Empire Strikes Back and Tootsie, which I was sorely pissed to miss both).

Golly, I'd better be careful, I'm sounding like an optimist!

Day 36: Last supper

Tonight I had my last "meh" meal of this round of hcg.  Now that I'm so close, it's super exciting!  The disappointment of not being able to go as long as I wanted is fading as I know I did my best and I get to EAT!  Woot!  I'm just hoping and praying this stabilization goes well.

I'm looking forward to summer--NO SURGERY (Lord willing)!  Yeah, the ones I've had haven't fixed my back, and that sucks.  But we've worked out a tolerable system for getting by and I'm happy in my life.  This summer just seems so full of possibilities to me!

For years untold I've had to have surgery halfway through.  So the first half has been killing, with trying to get SO MUCH done, knowing I wouldn't be able to do much, if anything, for a long while after.  There's always the crush to get VBS done, our school year planned for the next year, and anything remotely "summery" done by early July.  And then it's Misery Fest for the rest of the summer, followed by school starting juxtaposed with physical therapy sessions...it's just not fun.  And I typically have had surgery complications, so add that to the mix=bleh.

But this year (Lord willing), my summer won't be cut off at the pockets!  It's never warm enough to swim here 'til August, and that's when I can't (post back surgery not allowed).  So I have rosy visions of swimming, barbecues, camping, relaxing, going to a baseball game, berry picking, beachcombing... I can't wait!

But let's start in the morning: with a real breakfast!  We'll do that first. 

Day 36: Crawling over the finish line

One more day 'til food!  I'm so happy!  Yeah, five weeks may not sound like a long time, but when you're starving constantly and have all sorts of other side effects (like last night, being unable to sleep because I was shivering despite being wrapped up like a burrito), it's LONG! 

I do worry about stabilization.  Yeah, last time went well, but the other times, not so much.  I have come to the firm conclusion short programs ONLY from here on out.

Hey, I have a bit of voice back today!  Woot! 

Day 35: Party's over, time to go home

Over the weekend, I hit the wall.  My body turned on me and said, "No more!"  I got so weak, it's not even funny.  I hoped it would go away, but it didn't.  So I looked it up and it said sometimes when you get to the end, the body does some sort of adjustment against the hcg (I'm calling it a counterstrike) and it won't work anymore.  So, the only treatment is to stop shots immediately, eat a little more of the very low calorie foods (one more apple per day and a little more protein) and transition to stabilization.

So, while I'm disappointed I only lost 26# (instead of the 35# I was working toward), I am so relieved I get to eat Thursday I could cry.  But that would take too much energy.  And considering it's left me so weak I fell asleep in the tub at 7:00 last night--three times--it's all for the best.

Still no voice at one week.  Lame!  Doing school should be interesting.  Anna and I did it before, we can do it again.  She does the out loud reading, I type instructions.  It's just difficult.

Day 34: flagging

No weight loss yesterday, and no scale today, so...?  Well, traveling turned out to be tougher than I thought.  I was starving and felt weak the entire time.  That and having no voice, let's just say it's good to be home.  :(

If my energy (and definitely) weight loss aren't back online tomorrow when I check, it's time to transition to stabilization.  A body can only take so much before it rebels.  I may have reached that wall.

Day 32: Little boost

Dropped 1.4.  But, before we get too excited, I lost nothing for days leading up to it.  Even so, it means I have impetus to move forward.  One more week 'til LIW (Last Injection Weight).  So, on one's last injection date, that's your WEIGHT.  Then it's three days more of diet (no shots), then you begin stabilization (no sugar or starch, basically) for another several weeks.  One tries to stick within two pounds on either side of the WEIGHT, or the LIW.  Not as easy as it sounds, most of the time.  Last time, it was.  Hoping for a repeat performance.

Day 31: Will I make it?

Still no discernible weight loss.  If this keeps up another day, I'll do an apple day (not as fun as it sounds).  If that doesn't do it, we put a bag over the diet's head.

Yeah, it's kind of sad for me to have to keep putting aside goal after goal of what I hoped to accomplish, but some good things have happened:  my fasting blood sugar has gone from 110 to 85, I've lost 3 inches off of each of the crucial measurement areas, and my clothes fit great now.  So, it is what it is.  I've done my best and I can hold my head high.

Oops

11 days, not 10. 

*^^

The end is in sight

Thank goodness!  I couldn't stand it, so I measured out the number of shots I had left: 7.  So, 10 days 'til food!  It's only ending 5 shots early, and since my weight loss is stalling (which means I'm developing immunity to the meds), I can live with it!

Did I mention 10 days 'til food?

Day 30: Really?

No weight loss today.  Man, I HATE that!  It's so not worth spending a long, hungry day and get no reward.  It's been doubly tough being sick (no comfort food).  It does appear the decision may being made for me, if I've hit the "immunity wall."  I'll give it a few more days, then decide.  So disappointing to be away from my goal.  And more so because this is it for me and weight loss until the next time (which isn't until Oct.).  I don't lose weight on my own, no matter how well I eat.  Yeah, I'm certainly thinner than I was, my clothes bear witness to that.  But, still.  It's not where I wanted to be.

Losing my voice is heartrending for me.  Even though I know in my head it's probably just for a few days, like the last time I lost it.  But after losing it for three solid months--that's a traumatic event I don't like revisiting.

Day 29: Addendum

I emailed my doctor and told her I was getting low on hcg.  She said she could send me more if I wanted, but she recommends just ending when my medication runs out, due in large part to the fact I'm planning on doing another cycle later this year, and, well, it's really hard on the body (and mine's been through the ringer).  While, of course, I want to lose as much as possible, at this point, it's really diminishing returns.  So, if I run out of meds a few days early, I'm going to go with it.  But it's really hard to tell how many "days" are left in the bottle!

So the working plan is to do another short cycle in late September.  Then I'd be off "maintenance" by the holidays--not that I'll go buck wild, mind you.  Ok, Christmas Day only.  :)  I'm rather relieved that this will (assumably) be my last long cycle.  Three weeks of this is MUCH easier to take in every respect.  So I guess I'll just keep staggering out my short cycles, try to avoid surgery, and hope for the best.  Now if my body will just sign on the dotted line, we'll really have something.

Day 29: evil cold

Now it's sunk into my voice.  I'm so not into that.  Feeling less dizzy thus far, which is good, but I'd take dizzy and fatigued over no voice. Really makes me mad 'cause Anna and I are doing a scheduled "vacation week," and I had big plans!  And they did not include us being sick the entire week.

Well, I've reached 23#.  Which, of course, is good, but it's "behind schedule" if I was to make it to the "promised" 35#.  It's annoying to do it all right and not get the full payoff.  But then again, if my body did anything resembling normal, I wouldn't be in this boat.

But it's my boat, however lame and pathetic, and my only choice is to paddle, or not. 

Day 28: Four weeks!

Still sick as a proverbial dog over here.  Lame.  Four weeks.  Hard to believe.  A little less than three weeks until food (maybe less).  22# gone.  My goal was 40#, though frankly, unless there was a miracle, that wouldn't happen.  Now I'm hoping for 35# (what they "promise").  But we'll see how it all turns out.  All I have control over is how I work the program, not how it turns out.

And I'm ok with that.

Day 27: almost 4 weeks?

Wow.  Well, I'm sick for sure.  Ugh.  I might live, but at this point, I can't be too sure.  I'm down .6 today; acceptable.  The doctor increased my meds a wee bit to see if that kicks things up.  Let us hope so!

Today I'm making sure the couch doesn't go anywhere by holding it down. 

Day 26: Going down by the head

I am now quite sure I've acquired Anna's virus--right when she turned the corner!  It's like it left her and walked straight to me.  She's still coughing, but is finally fever-free, eating, and getting around.  I, on the other hand, am glued to the couch, actively feeling the cold symptoms come on.  Feh.

Lost a little weight today.  Still a poor week for total loss.  It's made me think and consider.  It seems I hit the sandbar (sorry about the nautical terms, can't help it, in the blood) at the end of three weeks.  That's happened before.

So I looked up how long one has to take off between sessions when one's done a lot of them: six months.  So, methinks perhaps two short sessions per year instead of one long?  It's less arduous, and the resultant weight loss would be the same.  I could also stagger it to avoid vacation plans, etc.  Could work.

And now, back to my virus, already in progress.

Day 25: sandbar

Feeling discouraged as all get out.  The last week, it's been grinding to a halt, despite me doing "everything right."  I've only lost a pound over the past week, and the last two days, nothing.  I'm wondering if I've come to the end of it?

If so, it blows.  I'm way over even my modified goal.  If I have to wait a year, and only manage maybe 20 per year, I'll be fat forever.  :(

Anna's been sick for days and overall, I'm just feeling low.

Day 24: lame

.2.  Boy, that bums me out!  Could *possibly* be tied to me being up in the middle of the night with my sick kiddo, but it could also be it just sucks.

Day 23: more

Nearly to 20#.  Come on already!  It seems the weight loss is sluggish right now.  Feh.  I did realize, I'll probably be having my final injection in three weeks or a little less.  Wow!  How'd that happen?

Like I said, there's no way I'll make it to my (unrealistic but hope springs eternal) "goal."  :(  Even so, I'll still be lower than I ended up at this time last year (with the short cycle following surgery #240).  And with no surgery to mess things up, I'm hoping for some long term maintenance and health building. 

Go, Team Sandra!  Who's with me?!

Day 23: Ouch, I forgot about that!

I've started having one little side effect I forgot about until it happened: muscle pains.  I was walking out of the store with Anna and said, "Ow!" as I took a step.  I was treated with a searing, but brief, stab of pain in my calf as I stepped.  And this morning, a giant leg pain got me out of bed.

I was rather pleased, actually.  Before you think I'm a nutter (Ok, I know.  More than normally.), it's a sign of fast weight loss.  As I understand it, the fat that "holds up" the muscle recedes too auickly for the muscle to catch up, leaving it vulnerable.  Don't worry, it does catch up!  It just takes a little while.

At last weight check (haven't done it this morning yet), I'm down 19.4.

Day 21: More

Feeling "blah" this afternoon.  I'm sick of the diet and wishing more weight was coming off.  It's unlikely I'll meet my "goal" for this one, though I'll admit to you the goal was not realistic.  I do know all I can do is all I can do, and I'll just have to see how it plays out.

I forgot to mention I am now back in the Decade of X!  If you don't remember, when I started this wacky adventure three years ago, X was the best weight I was able to attain as an adult, though I never did more than touch there before my weight would bounce up like a deranged pong ball.  Sure, two years ago I was lower, quite a bit lower, but that weight lasted literally one day for me as the day after I took my last injection, it began rising and did not stop (Read: FOUR CYCLES IN ONE YEAR IS TOO MUCH!  YOUR BODY WILL NOT LIKE IT AND IT WILL MAKE YOU PAY!).

So, anywayyyyy, Decade of X has been a big thing for me.  It's nice to be back!  I do hope I never see it again, however (from a lower decade looking up, mind you).

But, yeah.  Blah.  Hungry.  Fatigued.  Tired of the diet and dieting and having to do this.  Seems like a hell of a lot of effort to keep ending up at the same place.  But the battle continues....

Day 21: Three weeks!

19#.  Woot!  Today is shot #20.  Halfway there.  I think I can, I think I can....

Day 20: Yay!

Well, the weight came down (phew!).  Total loss=18 1/2 pounds.  Tomorrow is my 20th injection.

Day 19: Well, that sucked

I was up .4 today.  What?  How?  And man, yesterday was not easy.  Everybody was eating great food, and later we went to a concert where there was a spread of desserts after, but did I falter?  No way.  I was a paragon of monastic virtue.

So not fair.

More day 18

Feeling the mid-diet doldrums today.  I'm tired of not eating.  Tonight's my daughter's recital and there's always a great spread of snacks after.    The weight loss is going fine and all, but I'm tired of being hungry and fatigued (more than usual).

I was watching Food Network today and felt like a monk watching Playboy Channel.

Day 18: Love it when this happens

1.2!  Woot!  Yesterday was one dolphin butt serving (Dolphin Butt Italiano) and one (really, really good) uber-lean hamburger patty.  So, the conclusion I've reached about whether it makes a real difference with the gross fish is this: I have no conclusion.

But the research continues.

Day 17: Nearly halfway

Monday will be shot #20.  There are 40 in total.  But one has to skip one shot per week (sadly, not one day of eating nothing per week), and a couple of days per month if one is female.  And one is.

Right now, I'm on schedule to be able to transition to Stabilization (no sugar or starch, but fat is back as is a wider variety of foods) on March 5.

Yesterday's half beef and half dolphin butt netted a .8.  I like .8!  Down #16.5 total.  Woot!

33 days 'til food....