Back down

This morning it was back down to the low, low weight (for me)--but one pound above X.  Then, today was a planned carb day (groan).  I thought momentarily about aborting the mission, but I decided the key here is stability and normalcy.  It was a planned, fun day.  I have no doubt the weight will be up tomorrow, but I'll be back on the no simple carb wagon tomorrow and it will go back down (Hear me body, you WILL go back down!).

I feel kind of lame updating this now.  My friend Mermaid had a tragedy in her family (Her young cousin died in an accident); it just feels trite and stupid.  So, if you pray, please pray for the family.  If you don't, please send positive vibes or whatever you do.  I went through something like it some time ago.  My cousin, her husband, and their two young children died in a house fire.  It was 20 years ago, and I still remember the shock, horror, and nausea that trailed me after.  My heart still constricts when I think of them. 

A difficult time of year

This is a rough time.  It's recital season, and the end of the school year (though school never really ends if you're a homeschooler family).  I'm fatigued, both emotionally and physically, and there's just a whole lot to come in the next eight weeks (when I leave for Arizona via my friend Sea Monster in Kentucky).

I haven't gotten on the scale yet, though I hope my monastic 1500 calorie day yesterday made up for the dessert I had Monday.  We'll see.  My body doesn't play by standard rules.  To wit, I've seen glimpses of those dreadful symptoms I have when I go through rapid weight gain cycles.  I've tried to ignore them and get as much rest as possible, which, see above, is not easy right now.

Darned key lime pudding cake

We had company for dinner last night, and they brought the aforementioned dessert.  I'm a sucker for lime anything.  I had planned to skip dessert, but didn't.  And then I remembered I had Easter candy I hadn't eaten (I was still on stabilization).  So, it wasn't my best night.

I wasn't strictly "cheating," as I do allow myself a couple of meals off per week.  But I hadn't planned it, so I feel lame about it.  And, somebody had sent me a mean email earlier in the day, and while I try not to eat as anesthetic, I'm afraid that factored into it as well.

So, back on the wagon with a vengeance today.

Curiouser and curiouser

Now I'm 4.5 BELOW my LIW.  How?  Don't know.  Should I be worried about this?  I guess I'd better suck it up and email my doc.  TPTB say not to lose more, but to focus on stabilization wholly.  Darn, I don't want to!

I'm eating plenty of healthy food, and for now, I'M LOSING WEIGHT.  I'm still a plus size girl.  I'm hardly waif-like.  But, I am traveling for two weeks and having my 312th surgery in a couple of months, and if stabilization will help those things not be catastrophic, I need to stop the weight loss.

Ooooh, that's an eeeeevil thing to type.  I guess I'll email my doctor before I start running in circles, rocking in the chair with a hot water bottle, and/or breathing into a sack.

Positive direction

Three days in a row I had one meal with scarbs (simple carbs).  I tried to be reasonable and not strap on the feed bag (though I wanted to!).  Then I was too chicken to weigh.  So, I waited out a day with no scarbs and weighed yesterday--nearly 2# up.  I was mad.  And that didn't make me want scarbs less!  But I stayed the course.

Today I was rewarded by my weight being back down to my post-hcg cycle low, 3# below my LIW.  Sweet!  I'm not sure why, but I'm happy.  Two weeks to the day, my weight is back to my pre-trip low.
Yeah, I should be losing weight all the time with my healthy diet and low caloric intake.  But I guess we've established "normal" waved bye bye to me some time ago.  Like in utero.

Another .8 gone

Yee haw!

One week post vacation

I'm cruising at 1.4# below my LIW.  I'm hoping to continue to sink down to my fighting weight of 2-3# below.  But with my sordid weight and weight loss history, this I'll take with a smile and unbelievable amount of gratitude.

My Mermaid friend asked me if I planned on doing the diet in a year and losing more then.  Yes, that's *my* plan.  But I've accepted (I guess) that I truly have little control over what my body does in regards to weight.  If it pans out, that's ok with me.  If I can continue to hold this weight, then do another (hopefully) 20# loss next winter, lather, rinse, and repeat, eventually I'd be where I want to be.

Ideally, the doctors will figure out what my root problem is and fix it; then my weight would go away on its own because I truly have a healthy, low calorie diet.  I eat a lot less than most people and am still...full figured, which sucks and is lame and wrong.

But I can only do what I can do.  I'm proud of what I've done with effort, willpower, and frankly, suffering.  Sadly, the world sees and recognizes the result.  All the pats on the back went away when I gained a bunch back.  They couldn't see that I was still following the diet like a religious nut, that it was truly out of my control (and it's happened many times).

But for now, life is good.  I can live with this weight.  I wish I could eat more, but for now, this is the best I can do.  And that has to be enough.

Nice!

Weight down to 1.5 below my LIW.  I coasted between 2-3# below my LIW, so I'm aiming and hoping for that.

Yippee!

Back to my LIW!  Shocking, but true.

Love it!

Unexpected, but welcome

Back already to .4 above the top of the zone.  (The zone is 2# over or under the LIW.)  I've been riding at the bottom or below of the zone, but being so near the zone itself already fills me with hope.  Last trip I gained far more and never did make it back to the zone at all.

Today is scarb free and lots of water.  I don't want to tease the snake.

Mother's Day

Ate healthy and scarb free all day--until dinner.  For the holiday, my family made me a scarb meal. Yum!  As far as I know, that's it for me until next weekend.  Let us see if my weight will shift back down.

In case you want to read about my vacation, look here:

http://sandrastravels2012.blogspot.com/

Not bad

Home after being gone 10 days.  I gained...5#.  For me, that's awesome!  And it fills me with hope, especially as I ate like a stoat.

Back on the wagon immediately, and hoping for the best.

Lame

Haven't even been here a week and the clothes I traveled in are now tight.  I know I say this a lot, but how is this even possible? 

The trip is great, though.  I'm feeling pretty ready to head back, however.  I'll be coming home Saturday.  My spine can hardly wait (note extreme tone of sarcasm).

It's funny how being so far from home makes things clearer.  The good seems better and the bad seems worse.

Hmmmm. 

It's not the heat, it's the humidity

...that's causing me to swell up like a beachball with feet.  Ugh!  I had to remove my wedding ring, or cut my hand off.

I have to say, I love carbs.  Oh, how I miss them!  I am enjoying eating them this week.  But I do know when I get home, it's back to my monastic carb free lifestyle.  I just wish I had thinness to show for it!

A lot of large mirrors in our condo.  I need to invest in a swimsuit with a longer skirt.  Nobody, including me, needs to see that much of my thighs.

Vacation food

We're here!  The trip was rough with my back.  But we are here and happy to be so.  Eating has gone so so.  Yeah, I've had my usual stuff, but a lot of scarb, too.  Lame.  While of course I plan to get back on the wagon when I get home, I know all too well how life can get in the way.  But I am mentally reminding myself this is just vacation, and not real life.  Real life for me does not include simple carb.

I'm doing a little side blog about my trip.  So if yer interested, here it be:

http://sandrastravels2012.blogspot.com/

Nice!

Weight back to my 3# below LIW level.  What I like about that is that gives me a 5# leeway for the trip (if one is 2# above your LIW, you're to do a steak day).  Undoubtedly, I'll need to do one when I get home.  Last time, for a six day trip, I gained 13#.  No lie.

But maybe this time will be different.

I attempted to make a separate blog for my trip, but Blogger is being recalcitrant.  So maybe I'll just hybridize this one.

We shall see.  :)

Sweet!

Weight back down today.  Nice!  And I even had a little potato presence in my dinner last night.  :)