I can't believe summer is almost over. Despite NOT having surgery (yay! huzzah! woo hoo!), this summer wasn't the relaxing thing I'd hoped. It was a dead sprint from start to finish, leaving me a bit breathless and tired.
Time to get ready for school. My husband starts back next week with lots of meetings and getting ready for starting the day after Labor Day. Anna and I are doing a "review and preview" week that week, getting up early, doing our usual family morning schedule, and doing a few things to get our feet wet, but not all of it. She starts her outside classes (dance, violin, writing) the next week and we'll be ramping up as well. But that's not for two more weeks and two days. But who's counting? My brain is not yet in teacher mode.
She got bottom braces (and a tooth out) today. Oy. Not fun for anyone. They feel weird and she's having a lot of trouble eating. They had to glue these thingies on the backs of her two front teeth to keep her from chomping down on the bottom brackets and she can't yet figure out how to eat. So it's been yogurt and applesauce. Poor kiddo. :(
I'm really wishing we could go camping one more time this year, but no chance with Mark's schedule. At least we got to go once! Speaking of finishing things up, I went to the drive in tonight, first time by myself in two years. Well, it wasn't by myself, I went with my 15+ year old Lab, Maggie! We shared popcorn. It was like the old days, with more fidgeting (for awhile) by Maggie. Bessie (our young Lab) was not pleased that we left. But she was home with Mark and Anna, so it was ok.
Well, maybe I'm being boring. In a wholly unprecedented manner, Mark's asleep and I'm the one who's up. Generally he works nights at the store, and I'm the one who's asleep when he gets home at 11:30.
Life is weird and I am tired. Thinking of and hurting for my friend who lost his brother. Time for me to put the lid on this day.
A little blog about Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
California, we meet again!
It's been awhile since I've been here! A long, long while. Wow, Disney is cool. We haven't gone to the Parks yet, but have gone and checked out the Downtown Disney area, which is awesome. It's a great blend of grown up and kid fun.
Yeah, well, let's get to it right away: my back is making it TOUGH. Getting here, and being here. There are so many things I want to do, but can't (Like SIT at an outdoor restaurant, or go on a ride, for two). I advocated for staying home with our dogs and cat, but was overruled.
Don't get me wrong; I love it that they want me here, even with my disability. But it does make it tough. I'm in a lot of pain already, and we got here six hours ago. The next few days will be an interesting balance--what can I do without making my body too incapacitated?
We have a good working plan, of when I'll go along (to watch, really), and when I'll go back to the hotel to rest and recover. Yeah, I feel a little churlish about all the rides I can't do. I'm trying to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. But does anybody ever gracefully accept a profound disability? I don't think so!
But, all that being said, I am grateful to be here. It's a trip so many years in the planning. We kept putting it off, giving my back "time to get better," but it hasn't happened. It is what it is and our daughter is 12. We've pushed the Disney trip back just about as far as we could. No surgery this summer, so, here we are!
One cool thing--I stressed and stressed and stressed about how we'd get from LAX to here. The Disney busses are just that--busses. But, we found a shuttle van and they graciously let me ride in the front seat, where I could recline partially! Phew! What a relief.
It's great to be here with my family. Tonight we're getting awesome pizza from a joint next door and watching a movie. We can see the Disneyland fireworks from our room. How sweet is that?
Yeah, well, let's get to it right away: my back is making it TOUGH. Getting here, and being here. There are so many things I want to do, but can't (Like SIT at an outdoor restaurant, or go on a ride, for two). I advocated for staying home with our dogs and cat, but was overruled.
Don't get me wrong; I love it that they want me here, even with my disability. But it does make it tough. I'm in a lot of pain already, and we got here six hours ago. The next few days will be an interesting balance--what can I do without making my body too incapacitated?
We have a good working plan, of when I'll go along (to watch, really), and when I'll go back to the hotel to rest and recover. Yeah, I feel a little churlish about all the rides I can't do. I'm trying to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. But does anybody ever gracefully accept a profound disability? I don't think so!
But, all that being said, I am grateful to be here. It's a trip so many years in the planning. We kept putting it off, giving my back "time to get better," but it hasn't happened. It is what it is and our daughter is 12. We've pushed the Disney trip back just about as far as we could. No surgery this summer, so, here we are!
One cool thing--I stressed and stressed and stressed about how we'd get from LAX to here. The Disney busses are just that--busses. But, we found a shuttle van and they graciously let me ride in the front seat, where I could recline partially! Phew! What a relief.
It's great to be here with my family. Tonight we're getting awesome pizza from a joint next door and watching a movie. We can see the Disneyland fireworks from our room. How sweet is that?
Sunday, August 4, 2013
44 years ago today in Seattle...
A functionally blind, blonde baby girl was born. And that was me! :) Yada yada yada, they fixed my eyes enough to get by, I'm still blonde, and I don't live in Seattle.
Sorry. That was random, as my daughter would say. Too much sugar today! Having a super day, lots of love, lots of fun. Feeling happy and grateful. :) <3
Sorry. That was random, as my daughter would say. Too much sugar today! Having a super day, lots of love, lots of fun. Feeling happy and grateful. :) <3
Saturday, August 3, 2013
One year
A year ago I was in Arizona, just after my 5th spinal surgery. And it went as well as usual! I was flat on my back for awhile, gushing spinal fluid, horribly sick from the medication they gave me (Zofran is evil; just saying), numb on the left side waist to foot. The trip home on the 4th was...well, I'm sure you can do the math there. After getting home, I had to use a cane for awhile, and only got sicker. After a few days, I figured out I had a migraine, it hit bottom, and I started improving--at least the "sick" part!
But, that was then, this is now. And I'm so glad it's a year later. I do wish I could say, "Hey! The surgery worked! I'm awesome now!" But, at least for now, that's not the case. Despite all the surgeries, physical therapy, weight loss, exercise, and pretty much everything under the sun save sacrificing baby goats to the Spine God, I'm about the same. I can't sit. I can't walk all that far, or stand all that long. My foot is still tingly, though I don't need a cane. It makes life complicated if one wants to actually DO anything or GO anywhere.
The thing is, I do want to do and go. And I do. It's just hard. It's very, very hard. I do the best I can, and in the balance, it's pretty darn good. I just wish it didn't hurt so much, or was so inconvenient. And I'd so love to go have dinner in a restaurant, or go to a proper movie (though our small town having a drive in movie is a blessing straight from God). Or sit in the audience to watch my daughter dance (not stand in the back, leaning against the wall, in pain). I want to drive more than 10 minutes. I'd love to take my daughter to Seattle or the mall, or help my dad around his house. But I can't.
But I do have a life and all I can do is all I can do (Sorry, I'm a bit cliche heavy this morning!). I keep fighting my weight (which, at the moment, is "meh"); I exercise and stretch daily. I ration my energy and pain. I prioritize like a madman and try to make it to the most important things. But it is difficult.
It's difficult for the obvious reasons, but it's also difficult for me interpersonally. I don't fit in with my contemporaries. Most people in their 40s are vigorous. I tend to take things hard. It hurts me awfully to get blown off, or more aptly, blown by as people zoom by me on the superhighway of life. I'd like to be more important than their busy-ness. I'd like to be worked in to the busy-ness! I'm a normal person, with an abnormal life. I can't do what they do. My life is not as wide as theirs is, but it's deep. And their slights cut me deeply. I go the extra mile for my friends. I take time and energy (emotional and physical) to be a good friend. And for some, that doesn't matter and they leave me behind. And it's hard to accept. So, I plod along--me and my spine--and wonder if they see me in the rearview mirror. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
But, that was then, this is now. And I'm so glad it's a year later. I do wish I could say, "Hey! The surgery worked! I'm awesome now!" But, at least for now, that's not the case. Despite all the surgeries, physical therapy, weight loss, exercise, and pretty much everything under the sun save sacrificing baby goats to the Spine God, I'm about the same. I can't sit. I can't walk all that far, or stand all that long. My foot is still tingly, though I don't need a cane. It makes life complicated if one wants to actually DO anything or GO anywhere.
The thing is, I do want to do and go. And I do. It's just hard. It's very, very hard. I do the best I can, and in the balance, it's pretty darn good. I just wish it didn't hurt so much, or was so inconvenient. And I'd so love to go have dinner in a restaurant, or go to a proper movie (though our small town having a drive in movie is a blessing straight from God). Or sit in the audience to watch my daughter dance (not stand in the back, leaning against the wall, in pain). I want to drive more than 10 minutes. I'd love to take my daughter to Seattle or the mall, or help my dad around his house. But I can't.
But I do have a life and all I can do is all I can do (Sorry, I'm a bit cliche heavy this morning!). I keep fighting my weight (which, at the moment, is "meh"); I exercise and stretch daily. I ration my energy and pain. I prioritize like a madman and try to make it to the most important things. But it is difficult.
It's difficult for the obvious reasons, but it's also difficult for me interpersonally. I don't fit in with my contemporaries. Most people in their 40s are vigorous. I tend to take things hard. It hurts me awfully to get blown off, or more aptly, blown by as people zoom by me on the superhighway of life. I'd like to be more important than their busy-ness. I'd like to be worked in to the busy-ness! I'm a normal person, with an abnormal life. I can't do what they do. My life is not as wide as theirs is, but it's deep. And their slights cut me deeply. I go the extra mile for my friends. I take time and energy (emotional and physical) to be a good friend. And for some, that doesn't matter and they leave me behind. And it's hard to accept. So, I plod along--me and my spine--and wonder if they see me in the rearview mirror. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
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