Oh come on, now!

Second time in a week I've plateaued. That's just evil and wrong! Stupid HCG diet.
:(

9 days 'til "LIW": 5 for the tie...

In case you're saying, "What...?" It's nine days until my "official" cycle weight loss goes in the books. The three days after, though you're still on the no-food diet, don't count. I can only assume it's because after no food, your body really has to gain some when you start eating again. So the LIW (last injection weight) is the offical weight. You need to try to stay within two pounds of that.

So, yeah. Nine days of shots. (I won't mind losing the track marks all over my legs.) I'll need to lose 4.8 more (should be fine) to tie where I was at the end of last cycle. Obviously, I'm hoping for more, so I can feel like I'm making a LITTLE progress towards my ultimate weight goal with all this.

Please think thin thoughts for me! If I could lose a pound a day (unlikely), that would be sweet for sure.

Day 14: :(

My first plateau day. HATE THOSE! It's like, Come on, give me SOMETHING! .2--anything! I know a day doesn't seem like a long time, but think about how it would feel to be hungry the entire day. Not just a little peckish, but REALLY hungry. Then you'll know what I mean when I say it just feels unfair not to get a little reward from the universe for your discipline.

Ah, well. This is not my first rodeo. It happens. Generally in a couple of days there's a larger loss, making it roughly equal. Even so, I like to see it every day. Know what I mean?

At least today means I'm past the halfway mark. Two weeks from today, I eat! And eat, and eat, and eat... :)

Day 13: Halfway there (almost)

I get to eat two weeks from tomorrow (far as I know). Getting past the halfway park is always a relief. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...!

Still hungry all the time. Still sucky. But, on a positive note, the weight loss is going quite well this session. Almost to 15#, which is heartening. And no way it's still water weight now.

I favor soft clothes anyway, so it's not like I can measure it by cramming myself into skinny jeans and saying, "Wow, I can button this now!" So that's no help. Things that were snug aren't now, though, so there you have it.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....!

Day 12/27: Looking to being half-way done

Chugging along. Most days I indulge in a thought or two about ending the cycle early, or in my wildest fantasies, stuffing something delicious into my mouth. But as my old friend Aragorn would say, "The day may come...but it's not this day...!"

13.4 pounds gone. Nice. My hands are starting to crack a little from the lack of moisture, but it's not nearly as bad as doing a cycle in January or February: been there, done that, not going to do it again.

I take a wee bit of comfort in the fact that in two weeks, I'll be nearly done, and if all goes pro forma, I'll be another 10# lighter. If that happens for me, I will not only have gotten back to my LIW (last injection weight) from last cycle, but will have surpassed it by a few pounds! While I'm not in love with the fact I gained back what I lost last cycle, I've more or less accepted it. This is a lifelong battle and I'm learning to settle for imperfect progress.

Day 11: flagging

Having a rough diet night tonight. I'm feeling so fatigued, hungry, and sorry for myself--that I HAVE to do this stupid diet, and that I'm still heavy despite all the suffering I endure to try and cure my weight issue.

I made Anna a killer dinner, sauteed Brussels sprouts with parmesean with a side of pasta with parmesean (she likes parm, ok?), and applesauce. It looked pretty darn good, that's for sure. I wasn't truly tempted to eat it, just sad that I end up here, twice a year, starving, miserable, and still fat.

You know?

Day 10: 17 days 'til food

But who's counting? Nearly 12# so far, which is cool. Some of the worst hunger symptoms are improving, at least some of the time. Last night I had one of those freakish cold and can't get warm times of trying to go to sleep. One of my least favorite side effects of the hcg medication. What's also arrived is the intermittent shooting pain when I take a step.

That's an interesting one, and at least it doesn't last more than a second. But it's not uncommon for my family to hear me let out a whoop once and awhile when the surprise hits. The reason for it is for some weird reason, one loses a lot of weight in the calves quickly (most people on this diet) and the muscle hasn't had time to shrink to accomodate yet. Hence, sharp pain when it's utilized.

Day 9

I'm 1/3 done as of today! Woot! 11# gone.

And I do like people to comment. Bring it, people! Blogging can be lonely.

Day 8: Why I don't reccomend this diet for most

Hcg is hard. The adds, the overt progress that can be achieved, it's all sexy, but it's BRUTAL. And you need 100% compliance or it fails. It's as much chemistry as it is calories. I am the only person I know who's ever NOT cheated on it, and I've done it 8 times (applause, applause...).

It's complicated. Here's the basics:
You take hormone shots for either 23 or 40 days. Well, that's not entirely accurate. On the 40 "day" cycle, it's longer, as you have to take one day off per week of the shot (not the diet, mind you) so you don't get immune as fast. And if you're female, you have to take time off during your cycle (again, from the shots, not the diet--I wish).

Phase 1: The first two days you eat as much fat as you can. This part is the best part of the diet. But, you do feel kind of sick because it's even called "forced feeding." It's important to do it because if you don't you'll feel even worse when you start...

Phase 2: The Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD, or as I call it, the "Very Little Food Diet"). You eat 500 calories per day. BUT, it's not just ANY 500 calories a day. It's extremely specific and CANNOT be varied. As I said, it's chemistry as well as calories.

The food you can have is super low fat. The idea behind this all is the medication and lack of calories and fat is supposed to make your body burn "abnormally stored fat." One can't even touch fat, and that includes hand lotion and hair conditioner, let alone preparing food for others.

And the specific (and extremely limited choices) is divided up in very specific ways. The two "meals" are 3.5 ounces (before cooking) plain chicken breast (there are other choices, but that's the main one) and about a cup of a certain veggies (only one veggie per meal, no mixing) of something like lettuce. You can't cook your meat in oil, you have to bake it. You have to steam your veggies. No toppings. Two fruit servings a day (e.g. a five ounce apple). There you have it.

And yes, it sucks rocks. The meds are alleged to make you not feel hungry. BIG. LIE. So, you inject yourself, you starve, and your skin cracks from lack of moisture. You're exhausted, in pain, cold, you have muscle pains, thirsty, and deprived. You miss out on movie night snacks, dinners, fun events, feasts, and frivolity. But you do lose weight.

But you're not done. After your shots, you move to Phase 3, Stabilization. That's three more weeks of no sugar, starch, like that. Yeah, it's limiting, but you CAN have fat! And dairy! And no more protein deprivation! It's bliss. For a week or so, then honestly one begins to look at the calendar and sigh, really, really wanting to have some starch and/or sugar.

Stabilizing the weight is hard. One needs to keep it within two pounds of the "last injection weight" (LIW). You have to be on the Very Little Food Diet for three full days after your last shot. So, as the hcg leaves your system, you start to feel even more hungry, but, wait--no food for 72 hours! Yep, say it with me: THIS SUCKS.

So, if you do move up to above the 2# fatwa, you have to do a corrective day. That means you eat nothing, and yes, I mean literally nothing, until night, when you have a piece of steak and an apple, then nothing the rest of the night until morning. Hungry, weak, tired, dismayed, cursing life. But, it gets you back down. Unless it doesn't.

After the three weeks of stabilizing, you begin to very slowly try, once and awhile, something with starch or sugar. It's not like graduating, that once you're done, you're done. It's a continual journey, and one I've yet to master. I have gained weight back. Some of it's been my fault, most of it not my fault. The cause of my weight problem is some sort of inherited metabolic condition the doctors can't quite label.

I can't lose weight under conventional means. Trust me when I tell you, I've tried. This is literally the only thing that works--to a degree! But I may have mentioned, it's HARD and not for dabblers or people who want a quick fix and then go back to their Doritos.

It's medical weight loss for hard cases, like me. I suffer. Over the years of cycling on this, I will tell you I have had tears in my eyes more than once from being so hungry it hurt. After you lose a certain amount, you begin to wake up shaking in the middle of the night. I've had to cut cycles short because I became ill. I can no longer physically tolerate the long cycles (but trust me when I tell you being hungry for four weeks sucks, too).

But even though my weight is nowhere near where I wish it were, I can say, with pride, I've never cheated. Am I super human? Not really, no. Those who know and love me would tell you I'm a flawed person. Heck, I'm telling you that! But my body is so out of my control, with my weight, and a truly cruel chronic pain and fatigue condition. And this diet gives me not only some headway on improving one aspect of my health, but pride because I can stick to it, no matter how hard it is. Somehow, it makes me feel less like a victim of my heath, and more of a warrior.

One week

Well, I'm alive! That's something. What a week. I've spent it starving, weak, and miserable--including a persistent uptick in my usual level of back pain. Not fun! The good news? I lost 10#. That level won't (can't) continue. But, if I'm going to be miserable, at least something good came out of it.

Onward and downward!

Day 7: Holidays are rough

Not my first holiday on hcg: still not fun. We had a great time at church, but the tasty buffet of snacks tormented me after--but not as much as the dinner at my dad's: ham, mashed potatoes, veggies, fruit salad, blackberry pie... My two pieces of lettuce (plain) with two 1.5 oz. pieces of chicken breast (plain)...yeah. You do the math.

Day 5: 17% done

Well, that doesn't seem like very long! Yesterday was rough. I was sooo fatigued. Getting things done was murder.

Day 4: I think I jinxed it

After my glowing report on how potassium was helping me, I feel like garbage. I'm so hungry and exhausted, it's a total drag. Ok, I've been through this before, and I *know* the first week is sucky: all pain, no payoff.

That will come later.

Day 3: Potassium is my friend

A friend gave me a book on the hcg diet awhile back (he's one of many who did the diet once, and swore...never again)that said the extreme fatigue can be caused by the loss of fluid and to try potassium supplements. I did that, but only after the diet started, which I think was too late.

So this time, in preparation, I took potassium supplements for weeks leading up to my start date, and I think it's helping. I'm not quite as fatigued as other start times. I still feel a higher degree of weakness and fatigue, but not as severe. I do go to bed earlier than usual, but not all that much.

This morning I felt fairly normal and did what would be normal morning chores for me: assembled a navy bean soup in the crock-pot for my family, started a bread machine loaf of bread (I have the BEST Italian bread recipe; only takes about two minutes to assemble--email me if you want the recipe), washed some produce, started the laundry, fed the dog, prepped my hcg food for the day, and did my back stretches. Up until the last 10 minutes I was crowing about how good I felt--then I crashed. Oy.

So, I'm on the couch talking to you, sipping some water, trying to muster the energy to get our school day started. Guess I'm not *quite* normal. I think I'm going to double up on the potassium. I'm losing a lot of fluid (hope it's taking some fat with it), so I think that's accounting for my symptoms right now: mildly dizzy, headachy, a little weak.

But, EVEN SO! For those of you keeping score at home, I'm down 3.5# so far, and I'm starting stronger than previous sessions. We'll take it! 25 days 'til food.

Ok, time to teach me some school! ;) Keep the faith and see ya later.

Day 2: So far, so good

I think my potassium prep is working! I'm not nearly as exhausted as previous cycles at this point. I don't feel awesome, mind you. I'm hungry and a bit extra tired, but doing ok. I'm able to do my usual routine (driving my daughter everywhere, teaching school, and keeping the house and cooking up). So, it's a win!

I'm already in the black as far as weight loss, too. The first two days (loading), one gains weight. After one day on the diet, I've lost the 2# I gained, plus .4 more.

Forward!

Day 1: Gets worse before it gets better

And...we're off! 1/3 of the way through day 1. So far, not too bad. Woke up feeling vaguely ill, like after you've camped for a weekend and ate nothing but Doritoes. Now, I'm hungry and the weakness is beginning. I did get some chores done today early on, as I know what's ahead (fatigue that's just crazy). We're taking a planned day off school today. Anna is editing, gardening, and enjoying the change of pace. I am too, actually. We're hardcore homeschoolers and have gotten so much done this year, we're starting in next year's books. So we deserve a day off now and again, am I right?

Last night, as I was weighing out my food and jotting the notes in the daily diet organizer, it was quite easy and comfortable, like I'd done it countless times before. Oh yeah, I have. 3 weeks, 6 days until food. But who's counting?

Takes a lot of work to maintain this level of svelte... :-O

Loading day 2

HCG cycle #8. Seeing it in print is just kind of...sad. And yet, I still believe in the program. I started it in January of 2010. I lost 105 pounds, gained 70 back, then have spent the last few years going down, then up, then down, then up, then down, never near that 100# loss of 2010 (which was too much in a year, my body freaked out and packed it back on with no help from me). As futile as it feels at this moment, it's the only thing that seems to work for me--at least for awhile.

I can eat low carb, low fat, low calorie, low anything, and weight does not come off. At best, when I'm utterly deprived, I don't gain as fast. In short, my metabolism is jacked. Doctors don't really know what to do with me. I've frustrated the finest minds.

So, I cope. I get by the best I can. The war continues.

I got on the scale yesterday morning for my first shot. I had avoided the scale for awhile, knowing I'd gained some back. I didn't know I'd gained it all back, plus four pounds, from the last cycle. It's not a good feeling. What's weird is how fat shifts around. Part of the procedure is one takes measurements before and after. Odd how some places gained it back, other places didn't. Can fat migrate?

Anyway, I digress. Today's day 2 of loading. Not as fun as it sounds, eating like a horse. It seems to only make one feel worse the first day of the low calorie part. But, I've read the book, the science seems to be sound. It's just difficult. Very, very difficult.

The program got better for me when I had to abort a long cycle, the cycle before last. My body freaked out and formed a counter-defense against the hcg. Since then I've accepted I can only do short programs, which is about four weeks as opposed to seven. Then there's the three full weeks of stabilizing (still no sugar or starch, but one can eat fat and dairy) before even attempting scarb (simple carb). So, even the short program is long and hard. But for all the misery I know in a month I'll be back to where I was. Yes, I'm sad I won't be down lower, but as I've been fond of saying, it is what it is.

I'm trying to believe in my heart what I believe in my head: I'll only truly fail if I give up.

Update

Well, there are changes! I did finally hear from the doc. She will be mailing my meds to me.

The big change is the start date. I have a tenacious virus that I'm still struggling with. I feel quite sick and totally fatigued. I'm not snapping out of it quickly like I hoped I would. So, it makes no sense to start the diet immediately.

I checked the calendar, and I can do it one week later with no adverse affects, schedule wise. I need to go into it with at least some strength. The downside of the diet (one of many) is it causes, at least in me, extreme fatigue. Going into it when I'm not at full strength (such as it is) is foolish.

So, over the next week, I'll try and get my stregth back, plus do better with the lowering of my carb. Normally, I'm uber-disciplined in regards to my diet. Lately...not so much.

My plan is to use the runway to good advantage. I'd rather get a couple of the re-gained pounds off beforehand anyway.

I am irritated that I'm sick, though. This is Spring Break! I did not want to spend it feeling like the floor of a movie theater.