Food for thought

Dogged determination is not enough to change the reality of your situation.

--Vreenak

Tomorrow's the big weigh in

On the one hand, it's a much better idea to weigh once per week. It levels out my angst upon the perpetual disappointments (or, cosmic kicks in the crotch). On the other, it's scary.

I know I've eaten as well as I could the last week, and hence, it's out of my hands. On the other, the idea of a big gain (oh, baby, there's precedent!) is not appealing.

Today

I resisted cake. It's not one of my "off" days, or meals, so I chose not to have any. It was though, though, because I adore cake, and I was hungry (forgot to bring my healthy snack along).

So there you go: good on me. :}

The day after having carbs...

...is not as fun as the day having carbs. At least I'm smart enough to avoid the scale because without fail, it'll jump up a minimum of two pounds. Even if it's bogus, it still rattles my cage. So, back to the grindstone, but missing carbs.

Feeling a little sorry for myself today. Ok, if you're turned off, feel free to click the red x in the upper right hand corner of your screen....now.

Here's the deal. I was just running through my mind the nine zillion things I need (and want) to accomplish before my next surgeries. Two months is NOT long. All this extra stuff on top of the regular stuff which is difficult for me physically. Time for fun? I wish.

And there's the big fact I've had huge surgeries every late summer like so: 2007, 2008, 2010, and now 2011 (and before that it was 2001, 2002, 2003--twice). And I broke up the surgical fun in the summer of 2009 with my mom dying. I just want a nice, fun, happy summer. Too much to ask?

Alright, I guess I'm done. I learned a long time ago self pity don't get the dishes done. Better get to it.

I'm full

What an odd sensation! I've been hungry for over a year! Sadly, my situation is 'cause I ate too much.

I'm scuttling the no dairy thing. I misplanned. I'm putting it off a little; I think I'll still try it. I have done it before, even over the last year. But I goofed in what I planned for the week. A timing issue. I'm still going to keep it to one carb meal a week (for now), for as long as it's feasible.

Well, true confession time. My one meal off turned into two. We went to town for an unplanned for event, and ended up eating out (Mexican food--YUM!). I had a lot of protein, which is good. I also had a few cookies--not as good. Alright. Show's over. Nothing to see here. I'm back on the wagon, even tonight.

It's been a kind of weird week. I've been having to do extra driving/standing (recital season for Anna--violin and dance), and it's taking its toll, both with my pain and fatigue issues.

I can do alright for awhile, but eventually cracks show in the plaster. I'll catch my jaw set on "firm" and notice the ache. It's a physiological response to pain. Then I get edgy, and start feeling like I'm being a git. This afternoon, I ended up dozing on the couch, which helped. I was pleased to notice my pain and fatigue levels were both reduced.

Sadly, my anticipated day of being home all day tomorrow won't happen. I need to pick up and return a kid who's coming over to play with Anna. I hadn't planned on it being tomorrow, but fate was against me! I know it's important for Anna, but crikey, I wish Mark wasn't working a day shift tomorrow and could do some of the ferrying. Ah, well. It'll be ok. I want to make Anna happy. Looks like Monday we can stay at the casa for the whole day.

Alright, back to your regularly scheduled life, already in progress...

Do I really want to go sans dairy?

Not really! I used up the last of my beloved plain Greek gods yogurt and tea cream this morning. Feh.

I'm going to try it for several days to see if it effects my weight. I calculate not, but we'll see.

Even so. Snack ideas? Anyone?

pizza tomorrow

Nearly two weeks without anything resembling bread or sugar. Tomorrow night is pizza. Yay! I'm pretty stoked, actually. Then another (near) week of carb free. Right now I'm trying to keep it to one meal a week that has carb in it (simple carb, that is) in hopes of getting back toward my LIW.

I'm also weighing in less often. We're all happier if I'm saner.

.2??!!!!

Now that's a first: suffering through a protein day and having a mere .2 loss. Remember when I complained when I "only" lost 1.2 after one of those?

Geez. Laaaaaammmme.

Down!

I love it when the scale reads a lower number! Thankfully, the two pounds were phantom pounds. And they took two of their thuggish friends with them!

Still 8# over my LIW, but we're clearly moving in the right direction.

Today and tomorrow are two protein days. I don't like them, but they do work. Let us hope and pray it's not a temporary weight loss like they're prone to be.

Tough

This morning we had to leave quite early for me to have a (pointless) doctor's visit in Sequim. Then we met the "cowman" (our organic free range hamburger source) in the parking lot of Costco. Mark has to work at 12:30 today, so we just did a quick shop at Costco before heading home.

It was the Costco snack bar that got me today. We were hungry, rushed, tired, and--there it was. It smells good, it tastes good, and it's inexpensive.

But...I didn't cave. I donno, maybe I should have. But I want to give this two weeks carb-free its best chance of working. I want to get the vacation weight off (however lame and unfair that it's there in the first place). I've committed to myself to do this 'til Friday (then Friday night--pizza!), then start the dairy thingy on Saturday.

I'm not overly optimistic, but I'm doing my best. But seriously, pal, a slice of pizza and a very berry sundae would have tasted good.

My current plan

Alright, so what I'm currently doing is this: going two weeks without ingesting a simple carb. It is not that fun, but two weeks is nothing compared to the four cycles of hell I've already completed. At that point, I'll weigh (I'm taking this week off from weighing).

Then, I plan on going one week dairy free--mostly to prove to my doctor dairy makes no difference in my weight. I've tried it before. But I'll do it again. You never know, I guess.

I'm also taking her advice and doing two protein days later this week (lame, but not as lame as a steak day) in a row. And, I'm taking the T3. Ok, also doing the dumb thing of halving my plain yogurt serving, and making sure my serving sizes are moderate-to-small (really hate that!).

At the end of this three weeks, if I'm still where I am (or, gasp, higher), I plan on eating the way I can live. I can live with having carbs 2-3 meals per week (I eat four times a day, so 3/28 is not bad). I'll eat the way I can live, and hope for the best. Surely it will stabilize. Let's just hope it doesn't stabilize 20# higher than now! Only one way to find out....

Yesterday

Spent a full week going simple carb free (Unlike my "normal" having something with carb in it a couple of meals a week), and my reward? A two pound gain yesterday morning.

Makes me sad.

sucks

Yesterday I suffered through no simple carbs at the Rhody Festival. I even ate less than usual.

My reward? A full pound gain.

:(

Feeling vaguely hopeful

Started the thyroid supplement today, and even with the assumed water weight, I'm 10#above my LIW. Yes, it's still 10#, but it was 18# after my trip. So it seems to be going away? Let's hope it keeps going down and down and down!!

We're hoping to see Rio at the drive in (my happy place) this weekend. I've gone to the drive in on the hard core diet program before, where I could only sip my water. And, it blows. We'll see about now because I mean to stay on the no simple carb thing as far as it takes me. But seriously, what is it about the drive in that makes one want to eat until their stomach explodes?

More good progress

Down another .6! I hope this continues, but as I'm in the time of Angel of Death week where I tend to get rid of extra water (before the main event, if you can figure that one out). So we'll see.

We've been planning on a Rhody Feast (not eating rhodies) Saturday, but if I keep losing weight every day up til then, I'll take it like a man and skip on the simple carb, even that day (whaaaa!).

Gotta do what I gotta do.

I turned down a cookie tonight

I hate turning down cookies. Let's hope for another favorable scale result in the morning. I'm trying to go simple carb free until Saturday (from Sunday-Saturday). It sucks, but it is what it is.

Tomorrow morning I plan to start the thyroid supplement. Again, fingers crossed.

:)

Weight down another .8 today. Nice! Still way above where I "should" be, but at least it's going in the right direction (for a change).

A little blue

Nothing much to report from the decidedly not epic doctor visit. My labs were unremarkable. My T3 (thyroid) was at the very low end of normal, so she said we should try a little supplementation for that.

Other than that...nothing.

She studied my food log and her big suggestion on my diet was to cut my 1 cup of plain yogurt (sweetened with stevia and cinnamon) to half a cup.

Yeah, that ought to do it....

One more thought

Water retention is evil.

I'm just saying.

Not as bad as it could have been...

I'm 12# over my LIW. Let's give me 2# extra credit for water retention and assume 10# over. That's with following the program, and almost never having carbs. That sucks.

I have no idea how "stable" it is. At this point, I'd accept it if it would STAY put and I could have 2-3 meals per week (not days, mind you, meals) where I could have something carby. Like a piece of whole grain toast.

Universe, is that really too much to ask?

Tomorrow's a big day

I'm weighing--oh, let's hope it's good news, though I doubt it will be based on how I feel (and my clothes fit). I'm in my Angel of Death week (PMS), and I feel so full of excess water I look like the Staypuft Marshmallow girl.

Not pretty.

Ok, I didn't weigh

I hate the day after the steak day weigh-in. Nearly every time there's been a bounce back, which fries my clams as I always go very low carb the day after to keep it from doing that!

I really really really wanted to have one more piece of graduation party cake. Didn't. I figured that five minutes of fun wasn't worth it (I think that way of thinking has kept many a spouse faithful!). But then I was mad 'cause it doesn't seem to be making a difference in my weight.

Tomorrow's the big doc appt. Let's hope and pray the lab tests show something actionable.

Steak day

I strongly dislike steak days.

Tomorrow I'll weigh. I'd better have Mark hide the sharp objects first.

Ugh

I have a sugar hangover from Mark's graduation party last night! I would have been ok, as I didn't eat all that much (too busy with the Festival of Conviviality!), if I hadn't of had a big piece of cake before bed. I fell into the old b-s reasoning, "Well, I'm not going to be having this for awhile..."

Doctor visit

I have one scheduled for next week. She wants to check my thyroid and insulin levels. Part of me is excited and hopeful, but most of me is thinking, Been there, done that....But you never know!

This week is hard to eat sans simple carbs. We're on vacation, we're going to a party Saturday, we're going out twice, etc.

A normal person wouldn't gain from these things. I think we've established normal and I are not acquainted.

Ok, one more snap

I thought I'd better put up a cheerier pic. The other one is rather stark. I should dig out an old "before" picture, so you can see the difference. You can find it if you look down and down and down. I'm still chubby, sure. Heck, I can't even be objective anymore!

I guess like Popeye, I am what I am.

Me, now

Here's a picture Anna took of me on the beach, in the gale. Sure, not a sexy picture, but I thought it was kinda cool in an artsy kind of way, being blurry and stark and all. It was windy as all get out, and I was exhausted from the flight, and wearing my dad's coat, but even so: me...now.

Best steak day ever

5#! Weird,huh? I'm still wayyyyy over my LIW, however. I've wailed, and brooded, and cursed the universe, but I figure there's only one thing I can do, really: go on from here.

Despair

Got home late Saturday night, waited until today to weigh, to give the inevitable flight water retention time to go away.

Wait for it...

I gained over 11 pounds in one week. I know, how is that even possible? Even for me. But there is precedent. People tend to think I exaggerate when I talk about how my body doesn't work right.

So now I've gained back 19/21 pounds I lost on the last awful, expensive cycle. I feel so awful.

No more sugar...ever!

Vacation: oy. I must say, I enjoyed a week off from being me, but I'm not getting near that scale for a few days. Time to start the H20 and salad IV...stat!