Between the blog comment and my conversation with my friend Sea Monster, I'm leaning toward working on a healthy maintenance program. It makes sense. My body has been and is going through a lot. I just had spinal surgery, and there's something obviously wrong with having a perpetually inflamed voice box for over two months. Depriving my body of nutrition at this point does seem kind of stupid, when I stop and think about it.
Like I told SM, I think it's a bid on my part to desperately attempt to seize control of my body. I've been gaining weight, the surgery (and the dural tear), my voice...it seems my body is wholly out of my control. And I hate that.
But, given the last cycle didn't work, and it wouldn't stabilize, why would I think doing something harsh to it will beat it into submission? It probably won't. And it might get me into even more metabolic disarray, and ultimately create an even bigger problem in the long term.
So, ok. I'm going to finish the dreadful prednisone (which is making my face swell and gain weight), get through Angel of Death week, and then reassess. I'll weigh and measure and see where I am.
"Going on maintenance" sounds fine, but remember, it hasn't worked, and I've been trying since March. However, while I can't control what the scale does, I can work on reestablishing the best habits and not letting food control me.
Right now, I'll plan on another hcg cycle in January, after I've had time to recover and reestablish the healthier eating patterns. It's not the end of the world if I'm heavier than I'd like to be right now. People who love me don't love me less because my pants say 16 and not 12.
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