Acceptance

I decided a couple of days ago I needed to stop just fretting about my lack of voice and its impact on Anna's and my school, and start figuring out what we're going to do about it. At first, it felt impossible.

But then, as the acceptance made itself comfortable, some ideas came to mind. On some of the things I normally read aloud, she can! Some things, we just won't do, and will try to catch up later. Some other things, Mark can do. And yet some other things, I'll type out (they have to be short, though). Pretty much every year we've done school, I've had surgery, or some other earth shaking thing has happened; and we've always gotten by.

Yes, I was happy this year my surgery was earlier, and that we apparently had no obstacles in our way this time (I do weary of playing catch-up). But, apparently, this is ours for now.

People tell me, Oh, don't sweat it! It's always easy to say when it's not you. My favorite sports (and life) axiom is this: It's only a "minor" groin pull when it's somebody else.

I know we'll get through. I also know I won't necessarily be fat my whole life. But these challenges are difficult. Today, at my first physical therapy appointment (replete with Anna's computer to "talk" for me), she asked if I was still doing the HCG program. I had to tell her that I did more since I left physical therapy in January, but the last cycle failed, and I'm not doing it right now. Did I imagine a slight look of disapproval? Or is it my own fragile self image telling me, You failed again, Sandra....Well then. Enough musing.

Since the appointment, I've felt a little queasy. I remember that from sessions past, too. Weird. I think it's the massage, releasing toxins. It probably released some trapped anesthetic or something rogue into my blood stream. Or maybe it's just fatigue and pain manifesting from the past two busy days.

Yesterday we saw the ENT who looked at my cords again. The good news is, there's nothing structurally wrong with them. The bad news is, they're swollen and red. I had an acupuncture appointment, and think there's some improvement. I'm going for that again soon. Even the ENT said, "Why not?" At this point, I'm not ruling out anything. While this is frustrating, at least there's every reason to believe it's not permanent. It just feels like it.

Mark and Anna are at a medieval horse pageant. I'm a little sad I can't be there. But, we'll have fun together when they get home. Best focus on that.

I sure hope my voice is back "in time" to start school. But if it's not, we'll go forward nonetheless.