Were it not for me now being in charge of Anna (Mark just left for work), I might possibly be curled up in a fetal position, whimpering. The two questions running around in my head: Why did I think this was a good idea? Would it be ok to quit?
I have a blinding headache, my overall body pain has gone bananas, and I'm very hungry. Misery, thy name is Sandra.
I keep worrying this is bad for my surgical recovery. But, it has been eight weeks so maybe it's not that important? Maybe I'll adapt and feel better soon?
I'm also quite upset about my weight. It's high. It's way high. Loading days suck at the end of them. And the worst is how much higher I am, today, than I was after the two steak days right before my surgery: 17 pounds higher.
Crikey. How did this happen? I know my after steak day weight didn't last. I mean, the next day it was up two pounds (clearly, water weight was all that happened after the second steak day). But it was a thing of beauty for that day! And, I also know the four pounds I gained on the two days of loading (!) aren't real. I'm sure it's mostly water. But add that all together and it just fills me with despair.
Despair coupled with feeling so darned AWFUL physically and I just wonder why I'm doing this? And why does my body fight me all the time? I've been so disciplined! It just feels unfair and yes I'm feeling sorry for myself and wish I had a mommy (or a sister would do)to make me feel better and tell me there's hope.
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