HCG cycle #8. Seeing it in print is just kind of...sad. And yet, I still believe in the program. I started it in January of 2010. I lost 105 pounds, gained 70 back, then have spent the last few years going down, then up, then down, then up, then down, never near that 100# loss of 2010 (which was too much in a year, my body freaked out and packed it back on with no help from me). As futile as it feels at this moment, it's the only thing that seems to work for me--at least for awhile.
I can eat low carb, low fat, low calorie, low anything, and weight does not come off. At best, when I'm utterly deprived, I don't gain as fast. In short, my metabolism is jacked. Doctors don't really know what to do with me. I've frustrated the finest minds.
So, I cope. I get by the best I can. The war continues.
I got on the scale yesterday morning for my first shot. I had avoided the scale for awhile, knowing I'd gained some back. I didn't know I'd gained it all back, plus four pounds, from the last cycle. It's not a good feeling. What's weird is how fat shifts around. Part of the procedure is one takes measurements before and after. Odd how some places gained it back, other places didn't. Can fat migrate?
Anyway, I digress. Today's day 2 of loading. Not as fun as it sounds, eating like a horse. It seems to only make one feel worse the first day of the low calorie part. But, I've read the book, the science seems to be sound. It's just difficult. Very, very difficult.
The program got better for me when I had to abort a long cycle, the cycle before last. My body freaked out and formed a counter-defense against the hcg. Since then I've accepted I can only do short programs, which is about four weeks as opposed to seven. Then there's the three full weeks of stabilizing (still no sugar or starch, but one can eat fat and dairy) before even attempting scarb (simple carb). So, even the short program is long and hard. But for all the misery I know in a month I'll be back to where I was. Yes, I'm sad I won't be down lower, but as I've been fond of saying, it is what it is.
I'm trying to believe in my heart what I believe in my head: I'll only truly fail if I give up.
I can eat low carb, low fat, low calorie, low anything, and weight does not come off. At best, when I'm utterly deprived, I don't gain as fast. In short, my metabolism is jacked. Doctors don't really know what to do with me. I've frustrated the finest minds.
So, I cope. I get by the best I can. The war continues.
I got on the scale yesterday morning for my first shot. I had avoided the scale for awhile, knowing I'd gained some back. I didn't know I'd gained it all back, plus four pounds, from the last cycle. It's not a good feeling. What's weird is how fat shifts around. Part of the procedure is one takes measurements before and after. Odd how some places gained it back, other places didn't. Can fat migrate?
Anyway, I digress. Today's day 2 of loading. Not as fun as it sounds, eating like a horse. It seems to only make one feel worse the first day of the low calorie part. But, I've read the book, the science seems to be sound. It's just difficult. Very, very difficult.
The program got better for me when I had to abort a long cycle, the cycle before last. My body freaked out and formed a counter-defense against the hcg. Since then I've accepted I can only do short programs, which is about four weeks as opposed to seven. Then there's the three full weeks of stabilizing (still no sugar or starch, but one can eat fat and dairy) before even attempting scarb (simple carb). So, even the short program is long and hard. But for all the misery I know in a month I'll be back to where I was. Yes, I'm sad I won't be down lower, but as I've been fond of saying, it is what it is.
I'm trying to believe in my heart what I believe in my head: I'll only truly fail if I give up.
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