I have issues with control. I know, like...who doesn't...I know, Riiigggthhhtttt? (Sorry, toxic teen grammar exposure is rubbing off.) :)
But I had to face a hard truth: I needed to let go of my LIST for Mark to do this summer. We've been waiting a very long, long, long time for him to finish school and attack the house projects.
And bless him, he's willing. But I had an epiphany last night: we don't have the time. Three weeks before VBS, three weeks after. Then Arizona for two weeks. Then two days after we get home, and he's back at work (oh, help). Then a couple of weeks after that, we start school again. When he's not at work, he'll be taking care of the house and driving me to physical therapy. And he'll be subbing often before working the night shift at the store.
Wow.
So, the desk, cabinet, and fence I had planned for us...? That doesn't even include the daily life maintenance stuff, and the lawns he mows (ours, our elderly neighbors' and Anna's violin teacher's). Something had to give.
And it's me. My expectations are too high. I think I rather pit myself against life. It's my pain-wracked body against the universe. By sheer force of will, I accomplish things. I think sometimes it's more defiant (not good) than noble (good).
So when I shared with Mark my revelation, he was relieved. We agreed we have quite enough on our plate without a plethora (and yes, I do know what plethora means) of big extras. We've decided to prioritize and work our way through as best we can. We'll still be plenty busy!
As for my backyard fence, we'll get there. It's just the arrival date is not under my control. The good news is, my letting go of the reins a bit leaves more room for important things, like going to the beach with our daughter. The best things in life aren't things.
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